Following are a series of emails I sent to friends and family during my year studying in Canberra, Australia at the Australian National University. This was my first personal experience living in another country, and I think you may notice a streak of romanticism. I think this happens to all young people the first time they live in another country.
| Part I | My first weeks in Australia | |
| Part II | O-Week at the Australian National University | |
| Part III | Cocktails on the Castle | |
| Part IV | A Night on the Town in a Muu-muu | |
| Part V | Barrier Reef and Birthday | |
| Part VI | Ayer's Rock and Kakadu | |
| Part VII | My Last Night at Bruce Hall |
Well, I guess this is my first actual update from Australia. I would like to first start out by saying that American beer is shit. [Added later: I changed my mind on this. A lot of the micro-brews are really good.] Australian beer is great. I have actually starting drinking casually now (for better or worse). Most beer and ciders are between 4 and 5% alcohol, but I found a cider called Strongbow White which is 8.3% (I beer bonged it actually) and it's pretty good stuff.
Well I have done so much that I want to talk about, but since I'm telneting to San Diego from 10,000 miles away the typing is pretty slow going. Anyway, so far I've been to Sydney (one of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring cities in the world), Canberra (which, although it is the capital, is the Australian equivalent of Irvine), Melbourne (a city synonymous with food and enormous shopping malls), and Tasmania ('nuff said).
Sydney combines the pulsing life of a city the size of New York with the beautiful architecture and botanical gardens of old England. Let me emphasize this--Sydney is nothing short of awe-inspiring. If you travel throughout this city and are not filled with a sense of wonder...then you've been in Irvine too long--go back and hang out in a coffee shop that closes at 10 PM. There is a gay street called Oxford street that is so liberated, it's reminiscent of San Francisco. It's so great to see people not having to pretend to be other than they are because of of an unforgiving and ignorant society. Then there is King's Cross--a red light district of unparalleled proportions. This city reeks of history and majesty. My first thoughts after touring the city were "I'm home, truly." I enjoyed my first legal beer in great pub, and was shortly after playing pool with three drunk Australians. Then they suckered me into joining them into going to another pub to continue playing (the one we were at closed--it was a total 'shocker'). I don't know how, but the second we walked out the door, their drunkenness doubled. One started walking up the street (the middle of the street) and jumping in front of cars (they just drove around him) until one actually stopped in front of him then he put a (drunk) karate display and gave the driver a thumbs up and jumped out of the way. Then we got to a major intersection, and he continued up the street in between lanes. Cars drove by honking at him, and he was totally oblivious. At this point I took my leave--it was late, I was tired, and I was with four drunk, large Australians (one of whom had grabbed the crotch of the other earlier on, although I did not find this out until later).
Then we (the group of about 50 other UC students) headed out to Canberra. And on learning my fate (of repeating Irvine in Australia) I wept (just kidding). I visited the National Art Gallery (or some other name) and learned how to look at art in a new light. Every once in a while someone explains something to you and it is simply clear thereafter. That is what happened thanks to our tour guide. That night about thirty of us (all outgoing Californians) headed out to party. Well we couldn't find a dance club that was open, so we went to a bar with a five foot square dance floor and got the place jumpin'. Stop me if you've heard this one before. Forty American college kids walk into a bar... So the next night we actually found a dance club (which is open until 6AM) and took over. Australian men don't dance (which is good for us American men that do), so there were about seven girls up on stage (standing mind you, not dancing). Within fifteen minutes, there ten of us up on stage with the rest on the dance floor in front of us. This all goes to prove my belief that to party all you need is people that want to party. So that was lots of fun. Then they let us loose on the 8th.
So I left for Tassie on the the 9th (after already finding out that there were no vacancies on the ferry to Tasmania--no worries). Dumbass. So I get to Melbourne (the city from which the ferry departs) that night. It's 10:30 at night, it pouring down raining, and all six hostels I knew of were booked up. So finally I find one that's got an opening. So I set out in search of it. So I'm hopping from tram to tram trying to find out how to get to Chisholm Hall (which pronounced correctly sounds like 'Jism'--if you don't know what that means, ask someone). People are giving me weird looks because I'm trying to find Jism Hall (because naturally no one has heard of Chisholm Hall--it's their damn city after all). So I hail a cab to take me to the place which I was (incorrectly) informed has been renamed to Chisholm Tower. Well the driver drops me off at Chisholm Tower and leaves. I find out seconds later that Chisholm Tower is a student Center which is obviously closed because it's midnight. So after $30 in cab fare I finally find a hotel for $70 (whereas Youth Hostels cost $12 a night). Anyway that was the only bad part of my trip so far. After that day I wandered throughout Melbourne (I needed to be here till Monday to see if there are any cancellations on the Spirit of Tasmania--it's now Saturday). That night I wandered through the Melbourne Botanical Gardens. They are indescribably beautiful. If you see these gardens, then for the rest of your life you need see no others. they won't compare. As I'm leaving the gardens, I stumble upon a free symphony put on by the Melbourne Symphonic Orchestra. So for the next three hours I listened to Beethoven's 3rd (Eroica) and other pieces under a gorgeous sky (which did not get dark until almost 10PM. they finished off with a short and uplifting piece. People left dancing and singing--in public. This truly warmed my heart. You honestly cannot imagine how happy it made me to see people dancing in public, singing and frolicking, just simply happy and not concerned about others thinking them strange. The next day , as luck would have it, turned out to be a once a year festival with the most amazing food. I ate all day. The food is soooo good and sooo cheap. I saw a guy juggling a butcher's knife, a flaming torch, and an apple ( he was eating it while juggling it) while riding a 10' foot unicycle and wearing a black g-string and pink tutu. This was a meaningful point in my life. Later that night I met the drunkest man (Greek--go figure) in my entire life. I think we had the same conversation five times (and I'm sure we would have had it five more had I not simply left).
Well, this message is getting ridiculously long so I'll summarize Tasmania and maybe go into more detail later. I went whitewater rafting my second day there. Then I went skinny dipping in Wineglass Bay (it's not legally a nude beach, but I feel it was meant to be). This is the most beautiful lagoon I have ever witnessed in my entire life. The water was crystal blue, and you had to hike over a mountain to get to it, so it's not that heavily infested (with people). So after swimming I just sat down with a sandwich and napped in the sun. Then I went to Hobart (the capital of Tassie). I went to a weekly market on Saturday. It also had awesome food and neat handcrafted goods. Quick segway: the people are so friendly in Tassie. All I had to do was look helpless and someone would walk up to me and ask if I was okay (so I always had people asking if I was okay--well you would have said it if I hadn't). Anyway after I went to the market I went to a wildlife park and hand fed kangaroos and wallabies (small kangaroos--very cute). So I got to pet them and a koala and a wombat. Koalas are the softest animal I've ever petted (except for...uh, nevermind). Then I had the most relaxing meal ever (I think I have honestly learned how to relax and apply it to everyday life), which I followed with a nap on the grass as kangaroos hopped past (just kidding, but they were very close by). then I went to Tasmania's old penitentiary, Port Arthur. It is really pretty. Also, the night before I saw "Twelfth Night" in the Royal Botanical Gardens. It was hilarious. I never really understood Shakespeare in high school, but I caught all the subtleties that make him what he is renowned for. I highly recommend this play (especially if your in the Tasmanian Botanical Gardens). So I left back for Canberra the next day (where I'm going to school).
Not that I'm some guru with the key to life now, but I feel I've learned something which most people haven't. It occurred to me how big the world is and how small we keep our own little worlds. I was so content to just go on with what I had been and stick with what I knew, to just graduate work, and get a job, and buy nice things that I never could have before. I realized if I had not taken this trip, turned my world upside down and shaken things up, I never would have experienced the wonders we have so close and take for granted. There is so much out there I have to do, so much to see. I'm only 20 and I feel I've gotten a late start on broadening my world view. I learned that no matter how many things dog at you, no matter how many things at once have you saying "I just want this to be over" life will go on and eventually you'll end up where you were headed (unless it's Chisholm Hall). For a week I was a vagrant-- my home was my backpack, a credit card, and the kindness of strangers. You'd be surprised how unnerving it is to have no keys...to anything. It' really hammered home the point that I was no longer placed--I did not belong to any particular patch of earth. It's a good thought once you've accustommed yourself to it. So to sum up, don't be content with what have--there's a lot more out there, and it may suit you better. How many of you have actually seen the Grand Canyon, the Sequioa's, etc.? That's what tourists go to the states to see, but I personally have never seen the Grand Canyon. Anyways, I'll stop my yammerings.
That's my insight for three weeks of wanderings. Take care all.
P.S. What's an Australian kiss?
P.P.S. It's like a French kiss, only it's down under.
Well, it's me again (neglecting my studies). I'm just writing to let you all know that college in the states could not possibly compare to college in Australia. People here know how to party! We just had the infamous "O week" (orientation week)...I'm still recovering (no kidding).
Just to give you a little insight as to what occurs during O week...
Anyway here is my adventures during O week:
Pretty lax. Everyone moves in. Basically just meeting people. The Americans prove that they know how to socialize with women better than Australians (good on us!). (Australian women do in fact like American men.)
Punch party (alcoholic and dorm funded), barbeque, and more meeting women--err...I mean new students. Dorm bar opens for the year. I get shitfaced. My alcoholic intake for the evening was:
After the final bong, I found myself in a woman's dress. A huge group of us went over to a cross dressing party and danced for I don't know how long. I have no idea who I danced with this night, because not only was the drunkest I have ever been without puking, I did not have my glasses on. I had three goals for the night which I passed with flying colors: no dancing with men (although I did get hit on several times), no slamming into inanimate objects (animate objects were open game), and most importantly, no ripping the dress. Now I know these are relatively simply achievements, but some of those guys looked good in dresses (just kidding--only I looked in a dress (I have a picture)).
My hall (they call them colleges here) hiked out to a lake and had a BBQ (they like BBQ's here, but we do it better). I jumped off a 50 cliff into the lake. I think I've lost that useful little instinct we like to call fear (I did it without a second thought).
That night we had an interwing bar crawl. The five different parts of the building each had a different theme and sold various mixed drinks. The committee's theme was porn stars. Mine was bedtime stories. I wore a pair of boxers and a tank top (what I supposedly sleep in). I borrowed the boxers from the same girl who loaned me her dress the night before (and believe it or not she does in fact have a nice body--I had to put the bust of her dress around my waist). Around 11PM a bunch of us head over to another dorm (dorms here are about 200 hundred people) for a toga party. We danced, lot's of people did things they would regret the next day (I didn't--but don't worry, I still have the rest of the year). I hung out with a friend till 2AM then went to bed.
Formal piss-up. Everybody dressed up really nice and drank for four hours. (Because, you know, we hadn't had enough to drink this week.) One of my female friends, who had only seen me in shorts and tank tops previously, saw me dressed up nice and said, "Hey, you clean up pretty well. I'm surprised." I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or not... That night everyone went out to Bobby McGee's. I stayed home and did laundry. Hey!! Before you criticize, this was the first time I had done laundry in Australia, i.e., three weeks of laundry. Now I'll reuse socks (and I did, several times in Tasmania), but I do not apply the "let 'em cool down and they're clean" theory to underwear. Oh yeah, while I'm thinking of it. I think people here have a strange view of me. When I came out dressed up nice, a [weird] female friend of mine came up to me and said, "I'm afraid of you, because you're from Melrose Place and everyone in Melrose has sex." So naturally I had to respond, "Yeah, I have sex with every woman I meet. It's inevitable. You're next." To which she shrieked and ran away. ???? Melrose?
Scavenger hunt. Groups of three get tied at the leg, have to wear shower caps, and have to find a list of items (which necessitated going into stores from a department store to a "reputable" bar (who wouldn't let us in cuz they were wankers) to a porn shop). Now does this remind anybody a little thing we like to call "hazing" in the states? Well, it would, except you didn't have to do it. So I didn't mind.
Later that night, I go out for drinks with an Australian chick I had met earlier and some of her friends and we "shout" rounds (take turns buying rounds of drinks). Her friends tell me many embarrassing stories about her hitting on men. She gets very red. It was great fun! I came back and went to a dance my dorm was having. Much drunken debauchery taking place. I dirty danced with many women and took part in sober debauchery, proving that you do not in fact need alcohol to have fun (just Aussie women--er...I mean women). Just kidding ladies. (Hee hee.)
Champagne breakfast. Oh man what a spread! That was the best breakfast I had had in a long time. Most people managed to shag their hang-over'd asses up and make it to breakfast (more than I expected anyway).
Bar slug. Oh god! How to describe this one... Well basically what it consists of is all the dorms meeting under a huge circus tent and selling alcohol and they blast music for people to dance to. Don't let the music fool ya folks. This nothing more than one BIG fuckin' piss-up! Four thousand people show up to drink, dance, drink, hit on women, drink, puke, drink some more, and...did I mention drink? Now this may seem a little extreme, but I figured when in Rome... So I brought out the beer bong again, and went in and bought seven ciders. (I had previously had two shot of Tequila.) I was going to attempt four and then three. My friend who tought how to beer bong, told me to go outside the tent 'cause I was going to spew for sure. So I went outside where all friends were hanging out and tried three. Now this place was fuckin' packed. So I had to make an open space which attracted the attention of several hundred people. (I needed the space in case I spewed.) So I put three ciders in the funnel, filling it up entirely (so I couldn't have done four). Then I downed it in about ten seconds. God, that was so painful! I felt like I pulled a muscle in my stomach. When I finished it I stood up and one of my friends (fans?) came up and tried to hug me. Idiot!!! I was trying to burp half a stomach of gas out to avoid throwing up and he's trying to hug me. I managed to hold him away long enough to succeed and I held it down. I held my arms up in a sign of victory (everyone was watching expectantly waiting for me to puke--thanks guys). Everyone around me cheered and dogpiled me. Only in Australia. God that was funny. :) So I gave someone my friend's beer bong and had another friend lead me off in search of Tequila shooters. Idiot!!!! Anyway, they lost the funnel, so I had to replace it the next day (which has been named "Matt" in honor of my feat). So I hung out and danced till sometime after midnight (keep in mind we had been there since 6:30).
Suffering from an injury in the line of duty. My stomach hurt so bad all day. I figured someone should have awarded me a Purple Heart for my injury (or smacked on the back of the head for being such an idiot). So this day I swear off alcohol for the rest of the day. Yeah, well, that lasted till about noon.
Legends of the quad. We had an obstacle course which consisted of a pool of liquid jello (which turned into a wrestling pit on many occasions), a tunnel coated with flour (right after the pit of jello), then you had to spin around with a broom five times (after fighting with your competition for the nearest broom), then you had to slide across a 30 foot soapy slide, then you had to spin with the broom again (again after fighting with your competition for it) then you had to "scull" a beer (pound it) and sprint to the finish and tag off. So naturally I took part. I ended up wrestling the guy in the jello pit and throwing him out the side (I don't know, it seemed like the thing to do--people cheered anyway). Let me tell you, flour poured on top of liquid jello is sticky! And I was sitting down when it dried, so when I stood up it ripped off about half of my leg hair. Then there was the Iron Gut competition, which I did NOT take part in. That single beer at the end nearly killed my already hurting stomach. The Iron gut competition went like this: There are two tables 50 meters apart each with three items (healthy in their own right, kind of--beer's healthy right?) on them. You had to eat one item (and swallow it) and then sprint over to the other table, back and forth until you had eaten everything. Well it went in this order. Eat a dry weekbix (which is like trying to eat a mouthful of Saltine crackers), sprint, eat half a raw potato, sprint, eat a raw egg, sprint, pound a beer, sprint, eat a plate of uncooked baked beans, sprint, eat half a lemon (peel and all), and then sprint back. Let me tell you, they only sprinted once. After that they walked. That hurt my stomach just watching. One guy puked literally a minute after finishing. He also almost puked after every mouthful of baked beans (he didn't keep one down, he just spat them out each time). A quote, "I can't fuckin' do it!" This race took about five minutes and was one of the funniest things I have ever seen!
Then people went out drinking and dancing that night. I only stayed about five minutes and then came back to do some long overdue soul searching. It didn't help.
Waterslide park. Heaps of people sliding down a big water slide at the same time. The longest train was about eighteen. Now that doesn't sound very big to be part of, but to watch it is one of the funniest things you've ever seen. Picture eighteen bodies flying out of a tube piling up in a heap, screaming all the while, everyone trying to avoid being caught under a ton (literally) of people. Naturally I was in it. Idiot!!!
Another thing Australians do (males only, and I have no idea why) is they pile on top of each other in as big a group as they can get and slide down. Now when I say on top of each other I mean actually on TOP of each other. The biggest group I saw was five. Aussies. Go figure.
Finally the pinnacle of the week--The Bus Bar Crawl. Everyone at Bruce Hall (and people who used to live there) pile into buses and hit five different bars/dance clubs. Now something that makes it interesting is that first year students are given cute little eye masks which they have to wear. Now this is my first year at Bruce, so I am considered a first year. If a later-year student manages to steal your eye mask (which come off quite easily) you have to scull (pound) whatever's in your hand(s). I got caught three times, but I kinda let them. By the third bar everyone had taken off their masks and were just hangin' normally. Now again, that sounds like hazing, but you don't have to do it. I mean, what are they going to do if they say "Scull it" and you say no? Nothing. But it's all in good fun so I did it. Everything was expensive until we got to the second to last bar. Then they announced two for one drinks. Aw man, it was all down hill from there. See this kind of shitty to do to the last bar, because everyone bought all their drinks here and went to the last bar drunk with no intention (or capability) of drinking anymore. But I had so much fun dancing. Somehow a girl latched onto me and we danced for like ten minutes. She was mindless drunk. A group of her friends started laughing and huddling and I looked over, just in time to see one of them run up and shove a condom in my pocket. I don't know whether they wanted her to score or if they were just being immature, but I had NO intention of taking this chick home. I stopped dancing with her and starting with some other girl shortly after. I dirty-danced with so many women that night. It was so much fun! The bus bar crawl started at 6PM and I left shortly after 1 AM. That was seven hours of partying. I threw the condom away on the way home. I almost hit a couple from my hall with it. I didn't see them. I still don't know who put it in my pocket--I was too drunk, but the girl I danced with is still too embarrassed to talk to me.
Recovery. I just relaxed and recovered. One of the bars we went to the previous night announced that they would have a recovery day for O-week on Sunday with 30 cent beers. Now I don't know about you, but that does NOT sound like a recovery attempt to me. That night we watched a video of the weeks activities. Everybody got to see me do a beer bong on video. (I have been dubbed a legend--Aussies...) All in all, this is one of the funnest weeks I've had in my life.
Well, that's it on this end folks. From here on out it's nothing but
study, party and travel. I'll keep ya updated. Enjoy finals week. ;)
Holy shit!!! Can we say Comp Sci majors have no life, boys and guys?! We sure as hell can in Australia. That's for damn sure! I spend sooooooooo much time programming it's just not even funny (unless you didn't like me, then it'd be hilarious). Oh well, enough bitching. Let me recap the sequence of events leading up to my current situation.
Okay. Now back to the story. Well since the beginning of the school year, I have been busting my ass, like never before (well, after O week, anyway). My description of my classes was pretty accurate--they only give us half the normal credits, but the workload of normal comp classes (which is a LOT). From the people I have talked to, Comp Sci is actually the hardest major here, just because of the work load. Even engineers say that. What luck huh? So I had two programs due about a week, and I was seriously losing it. I had started sleeping only six hours a night to try and keep up and I was neglecting my Geography class entirely. Then one program was put off until after the two week break (which I am now on), which leaves me fucked, because now I have three programs due in about ten days! So I was seriously starting to lose my mind so I just stopped working entirely for a weekend and went backpacking...
This was, hands down, one of the classiest things I have ever done in my life. The Mountaineering club organized the event and basically everyone in it is really cool. We left on Friday night at 8. It was a two hour drive. We got there at 2 in the morning. We got the entrance of the state park at I don't know what time, maybe 11? It was raining. That was really what everyone was praying for. So we enter and naturally the roads are made of dirt--freshly laid *unpacked* dirt. Our tires sank about four inches into what was not quite mud but wanted to be when it grows up. It was more clay like than wet mud. So we're following the person in front of us, when out of the blue (as opposed to out the green or red) he hits the breaks. I don't know why. There was nothing there. I guess we all need to hit the breaks in mud with a car right behind us from time to time. Yeah. So the driver tries to swerve out of the way except we were in mud and he didn't quite make it. (He really should have been able to in my opinion. I am pretty certain I could have if I were driving.) So the right corner of our car hit the left corner of theirs and shattered both lights (our head, their tail). Then we turned onto another road and continued on. In the wrong direction. Let me first say that the mountaineering club has done this trip twice before and both times they took the wrong turn. This made three. Well, we slogged our way through mud for another hour (in the wrong direction). I had to explain to the driver how to drive in mud that already had huge treads in it from the previous driver while driving a car that was very low to the ground. Namely by zigzagging back and forth across the treads. So after numerous cars getting stuck in mud along the way and one car's engine dying from flying through foot deep water and killing the engine (the same guy who took the wrong turn), we (well they) realized we had gone in the wrong direction. Thanks. So we head back and find the place at 2. Everyone else pitched their tents. Me and the driver said fuck it and slept in the front seats. So we woke stiff as all hell, ate breakfast and headed out. 100 meters into the hike we came to a flooded river. So we all stripped down to our underwear and bare feet. Except the women, who would rather waste a pair of jeans for the trip than let men see what they looked like while wearing a bikini. Duh. We had to cross three at a time, all holding onto each other because the river was really fast, and if you fell your pack was soaked. We had to take turns taking steps so that if one fell the other two could grab you before you went under. Well, everyone made it across without falling in all the way. The guys put on their shorts and the women left their jeans in the bushes to dry (which were actually still there when we got back). The hike took about 7 or 8 hours and was one hardest hike I've ever been on. It was physically exhaustive and we had to take our packs off and climb up 80 degree slopes at times to get up. Also the rock was wet from rain so some parts actually had me fearful of falling (and if you know me well, the only time I get scared is when I think I'm actually in danger of really hurting myself). As hard as the hike was, the people I hiked with were really cool and the view was spectacular. We got to the top at about 4 in the after noon. The Castle is the highest peak in the whole valley and it basically a plateau on top. So we set up our tents and everyone changed...into tuxedos and evening gowns. Then we set up a table (don't ask how we got a table up the mountain) on the edge of the cliff and proceeded to have a cocktail party with all the frills. We made multilayer drinks. We had cocktail favors. Fuck it was cool!
Now let me tell you about the view. It was, without doubt, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Surrounding us was a valley that looked reminiscent of the Grand Canyon but was entirely forested. Immense geological formations were all around. And since we were on the highest peak, the only limit to the view was the weakness of the human eye. It was breathtaking. So I had my picture taken on the edge of a cliff, all dressed up, doing a Tequila slammer. (That was for everyone back in SoCal.) ;) I have a bunch of amazing pictures that still don't do the view justice. This entire trip reeked of class. It was so cool!
Then after we finished all the booze, and there was a lot (approx 20 bottles among 15 people), we went back and made dinner. The guy I was sharing the tent with has the attitude that camping is no reason not to eat well, so had brought chicken breasts up with us and made chicken fajitas. My first Mexican food in three months! God I was going through withdrawal. My friend Richard has a particular fondness for Tequila (a quote, "Its timeless appeal lies in its absolute disgust"), found a half bottle of tequila lying around after the the cocktail party and brought into the part of the tent that is on the ground but under the cover of the tent. Well, naturally he knocked it down and, being on a slope, tequila covered the underside of the tent (at least it was his side). God what a wonderful smell to go to sleep to. Then I woke later to go to the bathroom and the smell had deteriorated to Tequila vomit. God that was lush. A few hours before dawn the wind really picked up. For whatever reason (well actually the girl I went on that date with was the reason), I didn't sleep all night. We got out just after dawn. I woke up to the sun streaming into the tent facing me. It was so awesome! The night before we had been warned of the winds, and had put 50+ pound rocks on the corners of the tent. When got out it blew away. We managed to grab it before it went to far. One tent got picked up and tossed about five feet...with someone sleeping inside! I saw it get thrown, but I didn't know someone was inside until he told me later. He was a good 160 lbs. The winds seriously almost blew me over while I was standing up. So everyone packed up and we started climbing back down the mountain. Great! Well, that was an experience. But surprisingly enough, no one gotten hurt by the end of the trip. So it was a lot of fun, and as sarcastic as I was about everyone involved in it, they were all really cool.
So I came back and spent the next week doing nothing but programming and teaching myself everything I needed to know to do it. I was getting really frustrated at my slow progress until I realized no one else was anywhere close to where I was. Then a bunch of people I didn't know started asking me for help. I heard one person asking a guy I helped to introduce him to me. It did wonders for my ego. The only problem was that I had to leave for a tour on Friday and it been moved back until monday, so everyone else had three more days to work on it than I did. So I turned it in about two-thirds done, and hoped no one else would make any further progress. Then I went out dancing until 3 in the morning. :)
The next day I went to my classes and then around noon went out with a hot Aussie for drinks at an English style pub. No details but it went well and around 7 she walked me to the bus stop. Then I got to Sydney, slept at a seedy motel for a couple hours, and got up at 5 for my tour of the outback. I spent the next week gold, opal, and sapphire mining (I found gold and sapphires--only the gold was worth anything). We drove 4000 kilometers in 8 days. I was the only American on the bus and I got so much shit about it from the driver. That's okay. I just turned it my advantage, getting even more arrogant (the stereotype of Americans is loud and arrogant) and annoyed him even more. :) We slept at sheep ranches, bush pubs and at mines. Then about halfway through the trip someone gave the driver a puppy so got to spend the rest of the trip looking for dog shit on an already brown floor. I missed once. Fucker.
Also, the driver has been doing it for years, so he gets literally four hours of sleep a night and naturally expected the same of us. I tried as best I could but had to turn in early one night while everyone else went out and got plastered. Oh well, by the end of the trip I had basically gone anti-social. They were all nice, I just didn't want to talk to any of them. Also the fact that I wasn't drinking with them every time they did caused some problems. Being the only sober person surrounded by drunks is not exactly fun. But apart from that it was fun. I saw a side of Australia I never would have and it was a good experience to see how some people live. We stopped at one bush pub in a 50 person town and there was a bunch of old men sitting at the bar. So trying to strike up a conversation, I ask "So what do you do out here?" The immediate response was "Nuthin." Well, end of that conversation. Shoulda seen that one comin' a mile away. Tried it again with someone else. Same thing. I gave up. At least I know what I want to do when I graduate...nuthin.
Oh yeah, while we were in Lightning Ridge (the opal mining area) I bought a three and a half foot war boomerang. It was sharpened at both ends. (Sorry Tony, I have something better in mind for you.) Now I had a few hours to kill when I got back to Sydney while waiting to catch my bus to Canberra. Picture this: Six foot four guy with a full beard (six weeks of growth, but I shaved it yesterday--damn it hurt!), covered in dirt (everything I had was covered in dirt at this point), hiking boots, and a full backpack with with a three and a half foot war boomerang strapped to my back. I drew quite a few stares. If I had only had an Aussie accent, I would totally have pretended to be a bushman. Frowbie takes Australia by storm... ;)
So now I have the rest of this week as vacation, but I have three labs due in ten days, so I'm going to go spend ridiculous amounts of time in the lab. I hear women find computer geeks sexy. (Yeah, that's what I hear all right.)
Take care and do something random for a change. I did, and these stories
are proof of the benefits.
Frowbie dresses in a muu muu and ugly hat and wins a trip for two to the Gold Coast and has several women hit on him.
Last night my college (dorm) had a 60'/70's theme party at a dance club downtown. So everyone went out and bought appropriate clothes. And, as you all know, I had to have the ugliest thing I could get my hands on, so I bought a muu muu (a dress for men or women--although I think this was a woman's) and hat made from the trouser leg of a red pair of corduroys. (I where the hat all the time, despite numerous protests--screw 'em.) So while we were walking to the dance I naturally had to say hi to everyone we came across, much to the dismay of the two girls I was walking with. You know how it goes. So I got there around 9:30 I think. Then I basically danced straight through to 2. Now a few days ago I gave up women, because I am sick of that whole scene, so I went to the dance with the only intent of dancing and having fun and screw everyone else. I had SOOOOO much fun, and I was dancing alone half the time. Now I don't know if any of you guys know this, but dresses actually look good on men, because you're shoulders and chest really show in a dress because they were designed for someone much smaller and if you have a slim waist, that shows too. What can I say? I look good in dress. ;) hehehehe
I had several women start up conversations with me, and one really cute blonde chick that I had just met came up to me, put her finger on my chest, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I want a dance with by the end of the evening." Being the gentleman that I am I had to oblige. ;)
Well, it is interesting to note that well over 95% of the people there were SERIOUSLY drunk. I had only had a bottle of water. Some time after midnight, I was out dancing and this guy from my college comes up to me stares at me for a bit and says, "You're a winner." Now I thought he was drunk and was trying to make fun of me, so I almost said fuck off. But I just blew him off and said, "I know." But he had already turned and walked off to talk to a girl that I wouldn't expect such a comment from so I went over and asked what he had said. He told me to buy a drink. I said "What?" He said, "Buy a drink, take a swig and you've won two tickets to the Gold Coast." My muu muu and hat and dancing (be it good, bad or weird) won me a contest for the most outrageous costume. Except I think you had to have actually bought something at the club to win, so I had to buy a Bacardi and lime (tasty stuff). So I got my tickets, but my muu muu had no pockets, so I had to put them in my underwear (I probably couldn't give them away now--the tickets, that is). So I went into the bathroom to lift my hem up, and while I was in the stall a friend of mine (way trashed) came in. I said hi and he said get out of the way. I stopped for a second and thought, "that was kinda rude," and then it dawned on me. I hopped out of the way about 2 seconds before he hurled into the toilet. Whew! Close call.
I am so glad I gave up on women (not that I have any intentions on men--sorry guys). I have been on this non-stop groove since I did. I'm just partying and flirting and dancing and having a hell of a time. Yeah. :)
Take care all. Remember, we're here for a good time, not a long time.
Long time no write. Too busy living to be reliving. Quick summary. Met my parents in Cairns and went scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. Got a little tipsy with my dad drinkin' Aussie beer. Got the hang of a realistic Aussie accent. Got a girlfriend. Developed a tolerance that makes drinking pointless. Celebrated my 21st with about 30 other people in a Mexican restaurant and got ridiculous amounts of free alcohol. Got a HUGE wineglass filled with chocolates and condoms as a present. Learned the tango. Got elected group leader of my group project class in final year comp sci.
My parents came up for the mid year break and we spent two days in Sydney. We went to King's Cross (the infamous red light district of Sydney) and saw a guy get busted for selling drugs and then had dinner at a nice restaurant down the street. Then we went to the Great Barrier Reef and me and my dad went scuba diving and saw some of the most beautiful dive sites in the world. Then we climbed a mountain on Lizard Island--an island that costs $1000 a night per person to stay at (we spent the day by plane). I got my first ever unhindered 360 degree view. The only barrier in any direction was the curvature of the earth and the weakness of the human eye. It was amazing. I got pictures. ;) Me and dad downed a few pitchers of XXXX Gold (the four X's stand for "pick your favorite four letter word"), the finest beer I have ever tasted.
My two friends from Queensland have been helping me work on my accent and have told me that I could pass as an Aussie. I have spun several people out that didn't know i was working on my accent. Australian is a very hard accent to learn. Cool.
I have a girlfriend. We had been seeing each other for about three months and neither of us saw any one else in that time, and I didn't see the point of screwing up something good for something cheap, so i asked her to be my girlfriend. She is the hippest chick. She gets jealous of NOTHING! I have literally had women sitting on my lap straddling me in front of her and and been dirty dancing with other girls right in front of her and she doesn't care. Yeah! Also she is one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. She doesn't have a mean streak in her body. And what a body it is! Heaven!
I celebrated my 21st on the 15th of August (cause that's my birthday). Oh my god was that a fun night! 30 of us went out to a Mexican restaurant and bought all you can eat specials. I had a Grand Margarita (somewhere around 1.5 liters of margarita), a B-52, two shots of Tequila with chili, a third of a Montezuma's revenge (15 oz of hard liquors)--Kris (my girlfriend) finished the rest, shared a goatskin of wine (we counted of to see how long someone could drink from it--the record was 100 seconds--unreal), and a triple shot drink called the birthday special. I honestly was not drunk until the last drink. I was just too full to drink anymore. However the birthday special just rooted me! The problem was the margarita filled me up to much to get more hard liquor in me. I got the Margarita for $15 and the goatskin and the Montezuma's revenge for free. After this night I decided it's not worth drinking anymore. It just takes WAY too much alcohol to get drunk. So I'm partyin' sober from now on (which probably makes me the only one).
For my birthday present, some of my friends bought me a huge wineglass and filled it with chocolates and condoms. Kristyna went SO red when I took it out of the box (in front of 30 onlookers). ;) Damn that was funny.
I am taking a ballroom dance class and am learning some VERY sexy dances. The tango is so cool! It is very sexy, unfortunately just not when I do it. But I'm working on it. I also learned the Rumba! (I think the word Rumba! has to be followed with a !, don't you?)
I formulated the CocoPop Pajama Theory. Trust me the name is cooler than the actual theory.
I was elected group leader of my group project class. 8 of us are desiging an enrollment system for a university and holy shit is it a lot of work! The thing which i did not anticipate about being the group leader is all it means is more work. Gee, I didn't have enough with my FIVE upper-division/grad-equivalent computer classes!!! I am learning a lot, though. (Like which lecturers are so dull that reading the book cover to cover is more interesting and informative than going to lectures--I've stopped going to one of my lectures entirely. It's early in the morning she does nothing to keep me awake. Besides I learn more from the book.)
Well, that just about brings you up to speed on everything that is going on (mostly). Also, I bought a really racy erotic novel and it has gotten me into writing again. I am applying for a research scholarship for the summer with 3 really big computer companies (Fujitsu, Sun, and Digital for those of you who might know them). So if I get that I will stay the summer. For those of you who might be bitching about me staying another 3 months, think about it. Why would I leave Australia when I would be earning money, with a huge company, with my girlfriend, in the summer, just to go back to spend those months in a cold [happenin!] Irvine winter. Ooooo, there's incentive. But in all seriousness, I doubt it'll happen cause I would have to renew my visa, return my plane ticket (which i don't know if i can do), and I am at the end of the priority list (I'm leaving right after). So we'll see what happens. Besides, I REALLY miss Mexican food!!!!!!!!!!
In future edition of Frowbie Down Under, be on the look out for:
Take care all. I hope all of you [assholes] are enjoying summer while
I'm in the middle of winter!!!
Well, now boys and girls, this one is a bit of a doozy. I guess I'll just jump straight into it.
I left for Alice Springs on the 20th at 5 in the bloody morning. Now as my destination is the middle of a desert in the middle of a continent, I think, well at least I don't need to bring jeans or a jacket--it'll be too hot. Well, that much was right. What I didn't count on was the miserable weather in Canberra. All week long we had beautiful weather...until I need to get up at 5 in the morning to catch a plane, at which time it decides to pour down raining. Thanks for that one.
Oh yeah, the night before (it was a big night, and everyone went out partying) my best mate's brother and I downed full bottle (750 mL--approx 13 shots each) of T.Q. Hot (tequila with chili and citrus--syrupy but *hot*) in about 20 minutes. The worst part is that although we were drunk, we weren't ripped. We could have downed another half bottle between us. Didn't puke. No hang over. Not a bad effort, eh?
The plane ride up was cool. I was torn between watching "Twister" (the inflight movie) which I could do at any time, watching the desert scenery as we flew overhead, and striking up a conversation with a really nice middle age gentleman to my left who appeared to be working on the design for a computer network for a college. Well, I wussed out and didn't talk to the guy. I really should have. What I did end up doing is listening to the movie and watching the desert scenery and looking up every time I heard a cow moo to see it fly by in the movie.
For those of you who don't know (i.e., everyone) Alice Springs is literally in the middle of the continent and is surrounded by nothing. I do not exaggerate when I say it is surrounded by nothing. If you started at Adelaide (bottom of the continent) and drove to Darwin (top of the continent) first off you'd be a tourist, second off what you would encounter is something like... Adelaide, nothing, nothing, nothing, Alice Springs, nothing, nothing, nothing, Darwin. And those nothings would go on for about two days each. It would be like starting at the tip of Florida, driving until you came across a town whose sole purpose in existence was so you (a tourist) could drive 500kms directly west until you came to something (relatively) cool, then drive 500kms back and all the way up to Maine, except the only scenery in between is dirt (and maybe some large roadkill).
Well, I get to Alice Springs. It's not too bad a town apart from the fact that the only people there are either 1) tourists, 2) people whose business relies on tourists, 3) people who don't have the funds to leave, 4) people who have no place better to be or 5) drunk. Also, and all you people from LA are going to feel a little short changed at this fact, Alice Springs has the highest crime rate in the world--yes, the world. Needless to say, when I didn't have anything better to do (a common occurrence if you're in Alice), I sat by the pool. No I didn't actually go *in* the pool, I just sat near it. Four hours is a bloody long time to *sit*, in case any of you have ever been in a city full of 1-5 .
Well, enough crapping on. I started the tour at 6AM. As I said before Ayers Rock is approx. 500kms away so there was the first 4 hours of the day. It was really pretty watching the sunrise over the desert though. Also, the people we traveled with were a good lot. I spent most of my time talking to the tour guide, learning about the land. We arrived at King's Canyon around lunch. We took a hike around it and it was cool, not awe-inspiring, but very cool. I got a nice panoramic shot of it from inside the base. An Aussie I met did the hike in Kmart bluelight special sandals. He was a crack up. On the way back down, the guide started squirtin' people with water, so when he wasn't looking I ran up, dumped a whole bottle on him, and kept running as he gave chase. Now I wasn't in terribly great shape, but I sprinted about 400m before he gave up. And he is the tour guide I didn't have a lot of choice but to let him douse me when we got to the bus, lest my tour be less than enjoyable (I didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night in the middle of a desert covered in water). Besides, it was hot.
Then we went on to Ayer's Rock. We watched the sunset, and it was really pretty. The shades of violet and blue and red were really something to just sit and watch for an hour. Also, there is a rock formation on the horizon that looks like homer simpson lying down. (Don't worry, I have a picture.) Those aborigines know how to pick their sacred sites.
The next morning, we drove up to Ayers before sunrise. Thousands of people go to Ayer's Rock everyday, but the thing they don't tell you is that aborigines don't want people climbing it because it is sacred to them, but they don't say you can't because it would kill tourism. So we got there, and I thought, "There's no way I flew out to the middle of a bloody desert to look at a big rock." No, actually I considered not climbing, but I figured I'd regret it if I didn't. And I would have.
The climb is really quite hard. I would say that between 80 and 90% of the people who attempt give up and go back. It's about 40-45 degrees, but there is a chain to balance yourself on for the first third (the steepest part). By itself, that wouldn't be too bad, however (and you knew there was a however) there are about 1000 people in front of you, many of whom are out of shape and scared, so every time they stop, you stop. More importantly than that, however, (yep another however) the wind is really fierce. I was pretty scared (and for those of you who know me well, the only time I get scared is when I think I am actually in physical danger) and I even considered going back. But I figured, I had already gone against their wishes in trying the climb, I might as well go all the way. Now at the base, when I saw how fierce the wind was I made sure my hands were free and I tucked my camera cord in my pocket and I held on really tight to the chain all the way up. I didn't want some idiot in front of me taking me down with them.
I started out at the back of a large pack of people. Some turned back, some stopped at posts, so I was able to pass them, and some made it up. Some (like one unlucky American on the tour) accidentally dropped his camera on the way up. This guy dropped it from 150 meters up. He got to watch it tumble down a rough surface for about half a minute and then come to a grinding halt. He (and the two others he was with) went back after it. At the end of the chain, most people decided one third was good enough and stopped. I kept right on going. Now I may be out of shape, but hiking is one thing I do really well. No matter how out of shape I am, I will always be at the head of the pack. And let me tell you, this was a tough hike. The other two thirds weren't as bad as it leveled off, but the wind made it tough and it was reminiscent of a roller coaster--lots of ups and downs. I kept going and finally got to the top. I think I was the fourth person there, after starting behind about 500.
It was *UNREAL*!!! Words and pictures could never encompass what I saw and felt. If you read one my emails a while back, I said the Cocktails on the Castle view was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. This left it miles behind. The sun had just risen. You could beautiful subtle hues in every direction on the horizon. And absolutely nothing obstructed your view of the horizon. In the far distance you could see the Olgas (homer simpson). The desert was breathtaking and the wind was still roaring around me. I was nearly in tears I was so overwhelmed.
Now the aborigines say they don't want people to climb because it's disrespectful, but I think if more people actually got to the top, they would leave with a new reverence for the beauty of the land. I stayed up for about half an hour and just stood in awe. Many people, on arriving at the top, had this attitude of "Yeah, I conquered the Rock," but that was the farthest thing from my mind. I don't regret going against their wishes and climbing the Rock.
Later that day we went to the Olgas and had a look around [Homer Simpson], but it was better to look at from a distance than up close. Kind of like a long-distance woman: good from far, far from good.
Then I took the plane up to Darwin and had a chat with businessman from Tahiti who had taken a year's leave and was going to help sail a boat around the world. Life's rough for some apparently.
I got out of the plane and was instantly about 10 times wetter than before I stepped out. Darwin is bloody *hot* and bloody *humid*. The humidity is regularly about 95%. And the temp is regularly between 90 and 100 degrees. You cannot *ever* feel clean in Darwin, because you step out of the shower and instantly you're sweating again, even though you just took a cold shower, because the showers only spray cold water. There is no summer and winter. It is monsoonal, so there is a wet and dry season. I was at the tail end of the dry season (thankfully).
Well, I got there at 2 and had nothing to do till morning, so I had a look around, had a swim and later around 6, I wandered into a nice looking pub. Here begins one of frowbie's greatest nights ever.
First off, I am wearing a tank top, shorts and sandals. The owner stops me before I buy a drink and tells me no singlets (tank tops). I said I didn't want to stay inside i just wanted to go out on the veranda. No dice. I was just about to protest the fact that several [cute] women were wearing singlets, when he says, "if I lend you a shirt, do you promise to give it back?" I said sure. So he comes back with this really nice t-shirt and tosses it to me and says, "keep it." "You don't want it back?" I asked. He said, "Not after you've worn it." Which makes sense considering the climate. So I thanked him, ordered a margarita, and went out on the veranda and grabbed the last table. The margarita was really nice. Then I went back and ordered an XLR8 (alcoholic coke) and explained to the bartender that the reason you put salt on a margarita was to keep ants out of it. Then I went back out and had my drink.
Halfway through, a couple came out with dinner, looking for a place to sit. I had the table entirely to myself and I decided I was too antisocial on my excursions. Also, I figured it would be selfish to keep the table to myself. So I invited them to sit down with me. They told me this place served free dinners every night, and gave me two coupons. So I wandered inside and got two free dinners. Then they start telling me about how this place goes off every night. Limbo contests, tequila body-shot contests, etc. So about an hour later, they had given me some of their beer and introduced me to some of their friends. They were having a contest. Sing your national anthem and get a free jug of beer. Two of their friends, both Israeli, sang and shared their beer. Then someone else won a free jug and shared. So at this point I'm starting to think that I need to win a free jug, except I couldn't remember it. So I asked a friendly [and absolutely gorgeous] female bartender how I could win a jug. She replies with a smile, "Take your clothes off." Before I could react she had walked around the bar, grabbed my hand and starts leading me towards the stage. I stopped and said, "Wait a minute. I didn't agree to this." She said, "If you do a proper strip-tease, I'll give you a free jug." I said, "All right, but you have to be up there too (not stripping, just dancing with me) and I get to pick the song." "Deal." Ten minutes later, the DJ announces that Matt the entertainer will be performing for free beer.
Then the silence is broken by the opening scream to Prince's 'Get Off.' I hop up on stage and start dancing (and it was actually pretty good). I threw off one sandal and the crowd is still trying to figure out what's going on. When I threw off my second sandal, they figured it out. I heard a few female cat calls. Anyway, I took one shirt off, then my tank top, and all I was wearing was shorts and briefs underneath. I dropped down to my knees and leaned back while staring at the bartender (damn she was hot!). Then I smiled evilly at her and started to unzip my shorts. She looked a bit shocked for a sec, then kept dancing. I got up and threw off my shorts and kept dancing with just my briefs. The song is almost over and she runs off to get my jug. Then I realized, "I'm on stage alone wearing just undies." I quickly hopped off and grabbed her. She said she grabbed my arm and said come and get your jug. Well, she started leading me to the bar...except I'm still in my undies! So I ran back and threw on my shorts. She gave me the jug and I reclothed. She and another [incredibly hot] female bartender said I did a really good job. Several people asked if I had ever done that before. I said I had danced like that, but I had never actually stripped in a public place before. I guess I had been wanting to do that for a while. ;) (The lady I was hanging with said she would send me a picture...)
After about twenty minutes the couple I was hanging with had to leave and I was left alone with half a jug. So I relaxed and drank. Then a bit later they had a "Raunchiest body shot contest." For those of you who don't know what a body shot is (and this is not an Aussie thing), it's like a shooter, except you put the salt on a girl's neck instead of you wrist, and put the lime in the girls mouth and fish it out. It was free. They asked couples to come up. I was in the mood and it was free, so I picked a random [cute] girl and asked her and we went up. Well, believe me, I had quite a few ideas as to how to be the raunchiest couple on stage, and I think the girl wouldn't have minded (too much), except for that annoying thing I like to call my conscience. I still had a girlfriend. So I licked the salt off her neck, took the shot, grabbed the lemon and had to fake the rest. Well, we didn't win because the audience wanted smut not fidelity. The couple that one was two straight (drunk) men in the group I had been introduced to. I guess I really couldn't have competed. But had I not had a girlfriend, I would have given it my best effort. She seemed interested, but oddly enough she didn't want to dance with me later (a large ugly man came over and butted in, and i assumed it was her boyfriend--it was actually just a large ugly man she was with). I finished my jug and left.
Well, Kakadu was really pretty. I missed the best part of the tour due to a large gash in my knee that I needed to get stitched up. So I missed a two hour sunset cruise through croc infested waters, so I could pay $40 to get my knee stitched because the tour company didn't file down some jagged bits of metal sticking out of the trailer. But the scenery in general was nice and I learned a lot about aborigines and bush tucker (eating ants and such) and bush medicine (putting bloodwood sap on a cut) from the guide. I could have spent days reading that stuff in a book and still not remembered it, but being out there in it, I learned it really quick.
After my time in the Northern Territory (includes both Kakadu and Ayers), I decided I love the wilderness way too much to spend half of my waking life cooped up in an office building sheltered from sunlight with recycled air. I still want to get a career in computers, but I want to go out into the wilderness too. Maybe be a field technician for some company that requires computer savvy people who don't mind getting dirty (to fix equipment or something). I don't know what I want to do yet.
Well, to sum up, my life is going really well. I couldn't ask for anything more from Kris. She is an absolute sweetheart and we never argue. No stupid immature games, just fun times. I spent the last week doing nothing but hanging out with her and my two best mates. My classes are going well and I am learning a lot. And even though I never feel like I have done enough travelling, I realized I lived more in this past year, than many people have in the past five. I don't ever regret my decision to come here. But I will be coming back soon enough. Probably mid-December. Well, from here on out it's mostly work. But in about three weeks I will be taking Kris to the Sydney Opera House to watch Falstaff (my first opera) to celebrate her birthday. The weather should be nice by then. We're going to get all dressed up and have a nice dinner. That is going to be soooo cool.
Well, I hope all is going well for all of you. Take care and enjoy life. You don't get a second go. Unless the Hindu's are right, but then you could come back as a slug and no one would want to go see an opera with you.
This frowbie brought to you by the letter "J" and the number "7" and by the following moral:
"Invite random couples to sit with you and ask cute bartenders
how to win free beer."
Well, this is it friends. The final Frowbie Down Under. In this episode we bid a fond farewell to one we have come to know and love (or revile). Unfortunately it is over a month since I left Australia, so I will try to recount the facts as accurately as possible (and embellish like hell otherwise). Well, here goes...
Setting
It was two days after Kristyna had left to return to go to Jakarta and I was an absolute wreck. All I had been doing for the past two weeks was saying goodbye to people I assume I will never see again. My friends were being really good about making sure I wasn't lonely and made several plans that revolved around just keeping me in public where I was likely to maintain a semblance of composure and perhaps dignity. This is a tale of one such (unplanned and failed) attempt...
The story begins...
We all went out to see the Crow II. My first thought. "I miss Kris. Let's go see a real uplifting movie to get my mind of topic. The Crow! That's exactly what I was thinking, too!" So we went out to see it, and fortunately is abysmal enough that I couldn't rightly associate it with thoughts of Kristyna. We return to Bruce Hall and I was kind of ahead of the rest of the pack. I walked past a small crowd of women celebrating their last night of the year at Bruce together and they, seeing how depressed I looked (I had just spent $8 to see the Crow 2!), invited to join them. My friend Krut had already informed me of the shindig (that word just looks wrong when you have to actually spell it). So I told them I was going to get my last four ciders from the fridge and would come right back.
I grabbed my ciders and decided I wasn't feeling too social just yet and decided to go visit a friend (a really hot blond--they're great, I recommend one to anyone--just kidding! only to the deserving, ha!). So I talked with her and she threatened to stalk me if I didn't write her a letter--yeah, there's incentive to write a letter. I still haven't written her a letter. We talked for a while and then left to go down to my friends on my final night at Bruce Hall. And it is a night that will go down in the history books. Or at least the yearbook.
When I got down my friend Kurt was well into a case of XXXX Gold. There were several drunk people ("At Bruce Hall!", you say, "I don't believe it! They drink in Australia!? At university!?") Well, I was shocked too. They had started without me! I didn't actually plan to get drunk that night, alcohol being a depressant and all. I was just going to relax with my friends. Well, that happened...for about an hour. Then we started playing a game called "I never never". For those of you who haven't played, this game can be either very funny or very dull depending on who you play with. If your friends have skeletons to hide that embarrass the hell out of them its a riot. If their pretty tame, it's not much fun. Fortunately I was at Bruce Hall, which could be its own red light district. So it was a riot. The goal of the game is to think of something that you haven't done but which you think someone at the table has. For instance, "I never never slept with X". Anyone at the table who has slept with X has to stand and take a drink. If no one stands up then the person who said it has to take a drink. There is no end to the number of ways to embarass your friends.
For instance, for those of you have been following along, I told you about the pregnant nun (any really drunk man that wonders what he would have looked like as a woman--tuck your gear between your legs while totally naked and jiggle your stomach). Hey, I'm not justifying it, I'm just telling the damn story! So I new my friends Kurt and Luke had gotten really drunk one night after a talent show where we all experienced our first pregnant nun. Kurt and Luke were inspired. They attempted to re-enact the show. Well, one failed just as I happened to look their way. I still have nightmares. Anyway back to the story. It was my turn and I was the only that new of Kurt and Luke's exploits (including those two until I informed them--to this day, Kurt takes it on faith that I'm not lying to him), and I felt it would be selfish to keep it to myself. So I stand up and say, "I never never did the pregnant nun." (Prepare yourself for later. This is foreshadowing...) So Kurt and Luke at me and shake their heads in shame and stand and take a drink. A little later a girl stands and looks accusingly at another girl and says, "I never never racked [made out with] Luke." The girl stands and take a drink. Kurt stands and takes a drink. I promptly shower Kurt with cider. And so the game continued until everyone ran out of alcohol. So we all head out the Canberra Worker's Club (like a big sports bar).
Well, somehow Kurt, Luke, a bartender named Joe, and I got behind the pack on the way, and decide it's time to race up Uni Ave to the bar (with our pants and undies around our ankles). Well, we get about half way when Luke realizes he's lost his belt. He pulls his pants up and runs half way back looking for it. Kurt pulls his after and sprints off to help. Joe and I look at each other as if to say, "Idiots." We pull up our pants and stroll after them. Luke finds it and runs back. So we head out again. One of us (I don't know who) protests taking his pants off again. Everyone else calls him a slackass and soon thereafter we head out again, asses bared. After Luke's little belt incident we had mandatory wallet and key checks every 25 meters. Eventually we get to the bar. Unbeknownst to us, shortly after we left campus on our way to the bar, someone called security on us and they were running around for the next three hours trying to find "four loud half-naked men". ;)
So we hang at the bar a bit and then Joe offers to take me and Kurt to the club he bartends for and buy us drinks. So we get to Pandora's and Joe walks to the head of an enourmous line, says something to the bouncer and we stroll on in. (I vaguely recall someone urinating along the way to Pandora's.)
So at some point during the evening we ended up at Dolly's, the only place in Canberra open at that hour. It is a trailer that sells all manner of food that doesn't mix with alcohol. I think there is a theorem involving Dolly's and drunks--all drunks eventually converge on Dolly's. It's like that X-goes-to-infinity-y-goes-to-zero thing we learned in calculus. As your number of drinks goes to infinity (hey, they're Australians), you approach Dolly's (the metaphoric zero in this analogy).
So people are ordering food...with their pants around their ankles. The owner is pissing himself laughing. Luke gets it into his head that we're in a war and he has to do a commando crawl under Dolly's. Kurt follows. I decided if two people I respect (ha!) are crawling under Dolly's there must be something good under there. There was--broken glass. So while Luke is under, the owner shouts out (in reference to our half-clad brethren) don't do that with your pants down. A lightbulb goes on in Luke's head. "What a great idea!" he proclaims. Luke drops his pants and goes on another mission for his country. Kurt tries to crawl after him, but still has his underwear on. Now I'm thinking that's not a terribly bright idea, so this girl Sophie and I grab his underwear to stop him--well, that's what I was thinking anyway, she may have just been trying to pull his underwear off. So Kurt tries to keep going while clinging tightly to his undies. Eventually gives up and comes out.
So after much junk food and many laughs from the owner, we all head back to Bruce Hall, which is only about 1 kilometer away. It took us an hour. The reason? The night was warm. What did we need clothes for?!
So Kurt, Luke, Joe, and I are walking along in just are shoes, everything else tucked under one arm. Sophie is wearing only a pair of panties, and this other girl Tamara is wearing only panties and a bra. It was at this point that I theorized that men cannot say the word panties without smiling. Go ahead, guys. Try. ;) Well, as we're passing through the uni on the way back, we all realize "Hey! Tamara's got her top on and Sophie's got her panties on! That's not right." So we sit down to protest. (Does this remind anyone of the sixties?) Sophie agrees its warm enough without her panties (there's that word again), but Tamara is resolute. Well, while we're protesting, a guy walks by on his way back from Dolly's. As he comes upon our group his eyes widen in dismay. (I know! Tamara still has her skivvies on!) So Sophie decides, the more the merrier. So she walks up (totally naked) behind the guy (who's a bit goofy) and proceeds to undress him. Our now-overwhelmed friend (more Sophie's friend than anyone else). So he bails his clothes and joins us. BUT TAMARA STILL HAS HER UNDERWEAR AND BRA ON! So finally she caves in to our sit-in and takes her top off. Well, we figure that was good enough, so we head out. Not fifty meters later. We bump into two more strangers that Sophie's ESP had informed her also desired to be naked. So she helped them as well. One of them was a Kiwi spending his first night in Austrlia. Not a bad greeting, eh? So Kurt, being the hospitable person that he is, walks up (nake) and says, "Hi guys. I'm Kurt. Now I'm not a poofter [gay], but why don't you join us?" So we proceed the rest of the way to Bruce Hall with three random nudes.
We get to Bruce Hall and as we're walking towards the stairs, I decide we should all climb the fountain out front (which looks like four blending tongs sticking upright). So we each get to the top of our respective tong, when much to our surprise (and much more to hers) out walks the Deputy Warden [assistant manager type]. She stands there totally slack-jawed for a few seconds as she takes in the sight before her. Four synchronized pregnant nuns on top the fountain, two mostly naked women (Sophie was actually running by her screaming for someone to get a camera for the yearbook), and three naked men she's never seen before.
As soon as she regained her composure (I think she might still be trying to regain her composure), she yelled at us for making so much noise...not for being naked on top the fountain.
So we gather up our clothes, say goodnight to the Deputy Warden as we walk by her, and go to bed. (Sophie had to go with Tamara lest she be tailed by her entourage.)
Well, the next day I said goodbye to all but two of the last of the people who had helped make my year remarkable. I had had heaps of fun the night before, but as I walked away from Bruce Hall, I couldn't help but feel as though someone had walked up to me and asked me to return a vital organ that was only on loan.
I remembered sitting with Kristyna on our last night together crying my eyes out (the first time I had cried in two years). I was crying for losing so many people dear to me, but more I was crying for having gotten kicked in the face for all my efforts. I felt so utterly helpless. Before I left for Australia, I promised myself, no regrets. One year-long whim. Follow wherever my heart pulls me. And I did it. I let no opportunity pass me by. I did everything I wanted to in that year. And for this year I felt exhilarated. I did everything right. The way one should live. I worked harder, partied harder, loved stronger, roamed free-er than ever, and met some people who have left permanent influences.
I did all this, and as I sat there crying the only thing I could think was, it doesn't matter even if you do everything right. You hurt anyway. There was no way around it. I felt helpless. Like there was no longer anything to hope for. And gradually I began to realize, if I were thrown back a year and had to choose between the losses I new I would feel at the end and staying in Irvine knowing what I would have missed...I would do it again. But it wasn't like a profound realization that me want to jump up and scream, "Seize the day!" It was more of a melancholy acceptance. I was still crying and the only consolation were the memories I would have. And while they are nice, you can't hug them. You can't inhale them. You can't be so entirely there that for that fleeting instance you are atomic. No bounds--past, present, before, after. There isn't even a realization of the self. Total immersion in the moment. Memories can't offer you this.
But perhaps in that fact, there is consolation. Perhaps we would become sedentary and never achieve more if we could regress to those moments we so desperately wish to cling to. We have no choice but to do other things.
But so much to me seemed to return to the fact that despite everything, I was only losing and gaining nothing in return. It is different when you are leaving to some place new. You have hopes and aspirations. You don't know what will be. I was returning to a place that I left because my life was too sedate and bland. And now I was leaving behind this great thing I had built, this great life and new person. No single thing in my life compares to what I achieved in Austrlia, and I was leaving every tangible evidence of it behind. I was left with an enormous void and there nothing to replace it, no hopes, no expectations. I knew what I was returning to. Being alone with memories, feeling isolated for having opened my eyes.
At times I find myself slipping back to the person I was before I left. People remember me as I left and assume I must be the same. Make no mistake. The person who left in February did not come back. I became a new person. No one knew how to think of me yet so I decided for them.
It is interesting. About the time I left I heard a poem that explained everything I was feeling, but it was only recently that I realized it.
You cannot stay on the summit forever,
You have to come down again.
So why bother in the first place?
What is above
knows what is below,
but what is below
does not know what is above.
One climbs,
one sees.
One descends,
one sees no longer.
But one has seen.
There is an art to conducting oneself
in the lower regions,
by the memory of what one saw higher up.
When one can no longer see,
one can at least still know.
--Renee Daumal
Almost a year ago I wrote my first email to everyone. I realized I had clued into something a lot of people hadn't. As the year went on, I thought I had a lot of the answers that people are constantly looking for. And now that I am back I am even more confused than when I left.
If you want the one piece of advice I feel I can give after all my experiences, it is one born of my confusion. It is simply this:
I don't know where I want to go in life. But I plan to enjoy finding out.
Thank you for joining me on my journey.
--Matthew J. Clapp aka "Frowbie"
