The following is a collection of emails (in progress) describing my travels and experiences while living in Germany and traveling throughout Europe.
| Prologue | ||
| 11.10.1999 | Lessons learned my first two nights in Deutschland | |
| 12.03.1999 | My first death threat | |
| 12.22.1999 | Deutsche Telekom munches ass | |
| 01.30.2000 | There are no kangaroos in Austria | |
| 03.12.2000 | Skiing in the Bavarian Alps (barely) | |
| 03.12.2000 | Skiing in the Swiss Alps | |
| 04.03.2000 | French Alps! | |
| 05.02.2000 | Buncha weirdos in London | |
| 06.06.2000 | No potatoes! | |
| 06.19.2000 | Denmark, Sweden, Belgium, and Germany--whoa |
So my company got bought by a German company about a month and a half ago. I walked into work one morning, checked the company stock price to verify that it was yet one more day that I was not a rich man. But wait, the stock price jumped up 3.5 points! (Well, it was a lot relatively speaking.) So I clicked on the latest press release to see what had happened. Oh we got bought that's all. (Our upper management is apparently very good at keeping secrets.) So then I check my email at work and there is a meeting at 9 to discuss the merger.
So at 9 I walk into the meeting room, every is sitting round the edges of the room because there are no chairs in the middle of the room. Flumph! I sit my ass ungracefully down in the center of a big empty floor and sprawl out in my shorts and sandles (remember this is an office building). A little later the CEO begins talking and explains the whole thing. No one loses their job, but all our stock (options and all) are immediately vested. I do a quick calculation and lo and behold! I'm still not a rich man. Not by a long shot.
So at the end of the speech the CEO, David, asks if there are any questions. Thinking I'm real funny, I raise my hand and ask if that means any of us will get to move to Germany. People laugh (this is, for better or for worse, my reputation in the company). He says he was actually thinking about sending someone.
Time passes...
About two weeks later I receive an email from a woman in Human Resources asking me to inform her as to the status of my new position in Germany. Uh, what?
The moral of the story? Don't crack jokes to the CEO in front of the rest of the company unless you are prepared to get deported.
Yes, folks, I am moving to Germany. For those of you who have never received a frowbie before, welcome to a series of emails in which I find myself in numerous ridiculous circumstances which I embellish upon to provide a good laugh for all involved (usually at my own expense).
The name of the city is Monchengladbach (the first o should have one of
those horizontal colons over it), and it is pronounced:
Mun <cough up phlegm> en glaad baak
It is in the region of North Rhine-Westphalia. Yes it shares the name of a popular American RV (Westfalia). It appears I can't shake my trailer trash roots no matter where I go.
I expect to move sometime just before the end of September. I will be there for a year, more or less by myself. My supervisors will be in Belgium. Hmmm. I will be in Germany and my supervisors will be in Belgium. In another country. How sweet!
For those of you without a map, Germany is surrounded by about 10 countries which are, counterclockwise: Denmark, Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, France, Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic, Poland and Sweden (just north across the Baltic Sea). And yes, I am going to them all (plus the rest of eastern and western Europe). The important point to note is that Switzerland is on the southern border, so although I will be alone and eating sausage for dinner every night, I will be skiing on the Swiss Alps in the weekends. I'll think of y'all. (And y'all can think of me while you're at the beach and I'm surrounded by large beer-swilling women that don't shave.) [Added later: Note, this is not at all true. German women are fine.]
I don't speak German (Ich spreche kein Deutsch) but I am learning (aber ich lerne). I have been listening to one of those teach yourself German sets with 15 CD's and a book. It's actually really good (it's by Barron's if you ever want to teach yourself a foreign language--120 bucks). I am only through 2 CD's so far, but have learned a far bit. I did of course buy the compulsory book "Sheisse! The German they didn't teach you in school." FYI, lapdogs is slang for breasts in German. (That's the kind of valuable insight I hope to acquire during my year in Germany.)
A new section to this frowbie will be "Stupid Frowbie Tricks". If you know of a place in Europe that is near and dear to your heart, send me an email and I will try to go there. If I do, I will send you a postcard and try to write some story about it. My first stop is, of course, Oktoberfest.
And in case you were wondering, yes. I am sure that at some point during the year, I will find myself drunk, wearing a pair of lederhosen, swaying back and forth in a beerhall with hundreds of crazy Germans, singing some drinking song I don't understand, with a big fat stein in each hand, trying desperately to keep up with a race of people who actually have laws about how beer must be made. (Okay maybe you weren't wondering that, but my old boss has added that to my list of corporate objectives for the year. He's a sadist.)
Well, I'm afraid I haven't much more to add. I hope you will enjoy reading my emails. Best of luck in the coming year. Don't miss me too much. :)
Lessons I learned on my first two nights in Germany:
The Challenge:
I am living in a temporary apartment for three weeks. I know of no
laundromats nearby...
I believe my willpower to be sufficient for this task (and I'm not even
French).
The Good News:
Although my temporary apartment is small and empty, two entire walls are
windows. It get awesome ambient light at night through the thin curtains.
The Summary:
So after my date (hey, don't laugh! it'll happen!) and I roll up to the
building in my Mercedes (ahem, taxi), we can walk up three flights of stairs
(don't even think about squeezing two people in this elevator), watch
"Dracula, Dead and Loving it" in German on a 10" screen (with
remote--yeah, like this TV is big enough to sit far enough away that a remote is
a meaningful addition), and then turn out the light and hear my date exclaim
"Oh, Matt! No one has ambient lighting like you big daddy! Scooby
Snacks!" (Sorry, if you're not in on that Scooby Snacks joke, just start
saying it in front of members of opposite sex in a high pitch voice and you'll
know as much as everyone that is in on the joke. Scooby Snacks!)
Till more randomness occurs...
Ciao! (Young Germans say ciao. It's kinda cool.)
First things first. I imagine the death threat grabbed your attention so I'll address that first.
The preface:
You get the picture.
The Story:
One morning I check my mail and receive a mail saying "Yo. I love the site. It was interesting." Now believe it or not, these are fairly common. So I opened it and this guy (sorry ladies, it had to be a guy--women can be lamers too, but guy losers have their own particular brand of lameness that women just can't compete with. Sorry). So this guy is swearing and telling me he is going to put a knife in my gut and how f##king dare I steal the f##king good band usurper's web site and blah blah blah. So my very first reaction is to forward the mail to his ISP. Meanwhile, I'm kinda pissed. So I was thinking that since the guy fancied himself a devil worshipper (his displayed name was "anti christ") I figured he needed a brief lesson in religion...by emailing him the King James Bible a couple times (about 8 megs i think). Now, even though I thought this was an appropriate response (turns out maybe it's not), my friend who normally eggs me on, said it was probably some 13 year old who was pissed off because he hurt his wrist masturbating in front of the computer. My friend went to bring up that point that once you starting demolishing lamers, where do you draw the line? A quote, "Some people are so stupid that it should carry the death penalty. Retroactive birth control, in essence." Some of my friends are just freakin' awesome. ;) Anyway, so I just waited, and the ISP cancelled his account. Turns out death threats are a 100% certain way of getting your account cancelled by any ISP.
Yeah, yeah, I know the King James Bible thing would have been a much better story to tell. But don't worry, I'm sure there will be other lamers with dumb-ass email names that portent the raining down of unholy jock itch from the heavens (my friend and I nicknamed him "anti crotch"). Besides what would my mom think? (My dad's probably reading this thinking, "Now Matthew, you know your mother wouldn't like it if she you knew you were playing with masturbating retards over the internet.")
Anyway, on to things that aren't lame.
I finally moved into my new pad and it is so SWEET! It has a huge balcony overlooking a courtyard with an art gallery and Italian restaurant. And it is fully decked. It has a nice cushy sofa, a leather love seat (you know Germans and their leather), a huge candlestick stand, stereo, cable TV, etc. Costs me about $US550 a month. Germans think I'm paying an exorbitant amount of money. But the dollar is so strong, that it's like I got a huge raise just by moving here.
I am meeting lots of people. It's funny. I carry my German books around and do homework in bars and on the train, and people are really friendly. I met a couple of really nice girls who take the same train I do that have been helping me with my German and showing me some German culture (read, mulled wine and other yummy food). I am going to a New Years Eve party with them in London. Yeah I know, life's rough. But hey, it was not easy getting here. Anyone who saw me the week before I moved here knows what I mean. Apartment robbed, informing a million and one people that my address is changing, getting a bunch of different disease tests that I was told by the German consulate were required (try calling from a cubicle at work asking who can test you for herpes, syph, aids, gon, etc.--"Um, yes, that sounds like a nice package but I am going to have to ask you throw in syphilis for free.") Anyway, things were crazy. And they still kinda are. But they're also pretty cool!
My work sent me to Belgium my first week here. And i have to go back in two weeks. Bastards! I could get used to this.
I paid my debt off!!!!!!!
That deserved a line of its own. Yup, between selling my car, selling some stock and a few other things, I am debt free for the first time in 8 years. Sweet.
I did have Thanksgiving. I met some Americans who invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. I met them at an Italian restaurant with a crazy owner. Apparently some Italians don't take well to Americans drinking Coke with a proper Italian meal. (Should be wine.) Anyway, we had chicken, since they didn't sell turkey in the stores. :) The girl was a really good cook (she's a chef). Funny, though. There were about 8 people there and only 3 Americans. Some Germans, some Irish, a Macedonian, and a Slovenian (I think).
Hugo Boss clothes are freakin' cheap here! Relatively speaking. I don't usually care much for clothing or fashion, but my mouth waters when I see Hugo Boss clothes. It's just that they're so damn expensive. For example, I tried on a suit in Orange County that cost $US1100! But Hugo Boss suits here, in the really ritzy stores, cost about $US400. I'm definitely coming back with a few. (They are some REALLY nice clothing stores here--Dusseldorf is the city of fashion in Germany.)
Well, take care. I'll be back in Cali from Dec 23-27. Cuz my mommy misses me. :)
Leder
PS Still have to do that laundry...
I recently emailed out my "new number". Please ignore said phone number on account of Deutsche Telekom sucks much @$$ (did you like that little bit o' self-censorship?). I waited home on the day they were supposed to setup the phone line. I even borrowed a phone from work. (And o man is my phone straight out of an 80's office motif--big, beige, ugly, and it even has a key!). They were supposed to show up between 12-6PM (yeah, there's customer service, a six hour window). Around 4:30 I figure they're not coming, so I ask my landlord to call them and they said they had no record of me or that phone number. What's great about that is I had to catch a train to Belgium that day and that meant I had to arrive at night instead of arriving early and seeing anything. And best of all, when I arrived at my hotel, they had cancelled my reservation had been cancelled because Kofax doesn't know me. Note, I have worked at Kofax for 4 years and I am standing at the reception desk with my laptop displaying my business tag. It was obvious she felt silly. It turns out the one person I had not met at our Belgium office told them he didn't know me. That's good.
So here's an exercise in typical European language problems. (I'll give you the older one, rather than the most recent.) I speak English, Spanish, and enough German to get by. The official languages of Flanders (northern Belgium) are French and Flemish (Dutch, basically). The taxi driver speaks neither. He speaks only Italian. So between a total of six languages, there was no overlap. So I don't speak French or Dutch, but the situation was basically that he didn't speak any of the three I know (almost) or the two he was supposed to know. (So I just waved my hands around a lot like usual.)
But Belgium was cool and it was my second company trip to Belgium. Yeah!
BTW, In about 9 days I will be in London. And then, it's skiing every stinking weekend. I already know people in several countries who have invited me over--Switzerland for skiing; Norway, Sweden, and Finland for partying. Man, Swedes don't f--k around when it comes to drinking. Me and a bunch of the trainees went out partying till 2:30AM, then they invited me back to their hotel to open a bottle of whiskey--which I declined, (instead, I took a taxi to my hotel, drunk, unable to speak French) and met again the next morning for class, and they were ready for more. Damn!
These Europeans will be the death of me.
On side note, If anyone ever tells you Germans aren't funny, don't believe them. I went to a fondue dinner with the two German girls I know who invited a bunch of their friends. I was almost crying they had me laughing so hard. They are freakin' awesome!
Matt
PS Will send new phone number. On my third attempt I was able to get a cell phone company to hook me up. I pick the phone shortly. Will also bring my scanner back to Germany after Xmas so I can scan all my pics in.
PPS I haven't met a German yet who knows what a body shot is. Good thing we Californians forgo any practical knowledge in lieu of such information. Go Cali!
So I decided to take a weekend ski trip to the Austrian Alps recently. Pretty slick, I gotta say. I went to St.Anton am Arlberg in Austria and it is basically huge. In terms of size, it is to Mammoth Mtn in Cali, what Mammoth is to Big Bear. It's just enormous. We also had perfect weather. A nice blue sky, and weather just below freezing. It was a bit of trek to get there. First I was pretty sick (a different cold than I had in California during Xmas). A five hour train ride to Stuttgart, and the next morning me and a German girl and her friend got up at 5:30 and drove about three hours to the ski area. Because I was renting we didn't start skiing till about 11:30. But we skied till 4:30 and it was really good. Then we drove back to Stuttgart and got back around 10PM.
Then me and the girl I was staying with met up with some of her friends to go out for drinks and see a midnight showing of a very bizarre talent show kind of thing. They had male and female dancers, 4 asian girls on tall unicycles kicking bowls on to each others' heads, an 80 year-old man on the tight rope, a drag queen (you knew this would work its way in there somehow didn't you?), and other crazy German antics (all in German). The German girl told me ahead of time that it was kind of a drag show. Now I mentioned there were male and female dancers. Now as some of you may know, for some reason I attract more than my fair share of gay men. So one of the female dancers was smiling at me (we were in the front row). But at the time I really thought it was a man dressed in drag, so I decided it might be best to smile elsewhere. So I guess he/she eventually stopped smiling at me. But I remember thinking, "Mental note for the future--before preparing to tell someone 'Thanks!, but I'm not gay,' make sure it's a guy."
Anyway, that was my weekend. Let's see... I went to the Nuremberg Christmas festival the weekend before Christmas and ate lots of Bratwurst (damn, that stuff is soooo good!) and checked out a lot of Xmas ornaments and German craftwork. Pretty cool place, if a little touristy. (I spent a total of 10 hours on the train that day to spend 6 hours at the festival.) I also went to the Toy Museum. They had an entire floor devoted to Barbie.
Then I went back to Cali for Xmas and got the flu and sat in a chair till I had to come back and spent 18 hours in planes and airports, wake up early the next morning and then take a train to London (still with the flu). New Years was crazy, but not "Party like it's 1999" kinda crazy. More like "Party like it's a London soccer match" crazy. I was standing in London city in a crowd of people so huge, I was just thinking "Please no one yell 'Bomb'". If the crowd had panicked, it was all over. In theory we were on a bridge so you could just jump over into the water if anything happened, but they lit the Thames River on fire (so I'm told, we couldn't see it over all the people). [Note added later: They didn't light it. It didn't work.)
Anyway, everything was cool. We drank champagne (from Champagne, France) and watched an amazing fire works display that just went on and on and on. I kind of wonder if they didn't make it so amazing so that it just stunned the crowd and then everyone would go home, cuz that's exactly what happened.
The clock turned to midnight, everyone screamed and cheered, the fireworks went off, everyone shut up, twenty minutes later the fireworks ended, and then everyone turned around and left (slowly, very slowly). And not nearly enough random nudity. It was cool, though, before we hit the city we had a James Bond/Austin Powers party (turns out that there's not much overlap between James Bond and Austin Powers). As I would always do when trying to make a good impression in a foreign country, I dressed atrociously. I had a flame red Austin Powers outfit and the infamous Clapp family sports coat. If you have never seen it, think "Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat" gone evil.
Then a mate of mine from Australia visited me on his way to Moscow State Uni. We had a good time being crass. Ahhh, Australians, would the world be too polite without you? (BTW, the word "durchfall" is German for diarrhea.)
Then I got over my flu, and a week later got a new bacterial cold. The best part about being sick in Europe is that you be coughing at the dinner table at a restaurant, and a couple will politely ask if they may sit at the table as well. When you say yes, they will say thank you, sit down, and immediately start smoking. You could be hooked up to an iron lung and they'd still smoke at your table.
Then the European team had a company party in Belgium...in a castle. Enough said.
Then I went to Brussels again for my work for a few days. Always fun. One night some of the trainees and I went to a drinking contest with a Belgian fraternity at the local university. We sang drinking songs and, well, drank beer. If you messed up a song you had to...drink more beer. The odd part was I started kind of drunk from dinner wine, but as the night progressed, I got more and more sober (and I was drinking), while everyone else was running outside to paint the pavement pink. Bizarre. Anyway, it was fun.
Then, the following weekend I took a train to Paris (only 1.5 hours from Brussels) for a day to visit the Louvre. It is soooo cool! I don't really get all worked up about art, but this place was seriously amazing. I like the statues more than the paintings or other stuff. There is just room after room full of statue after statue. I could try and describe but that would just be pointless. Normally, I'll try to at least try and describe it, but I have no background in art. But in a word, "Whoa." Just go.
I did see the Mona Lisa. It was really an interesting an experience. Obviously I've seen it before, and for me there are a million more interesting paintings, and of course there are paintings much older. But standing in front of it, I couldn't help thinking, "Oh my god. I am standing in front of the Mona Lisa." It was really exciting. It really hit me exactly where I was and what I have been doing for the last few months. Of course you would expect more obvious things like not speaking German, Dutch, French, etc. to be the things that said, "Hey, you're somewhere different." But at the time, not speaking French or being alone in Paris, etc., seemed basically irrelevant. I just stared at, feeling pretty cool for being there. I took a bunch of pictures (because I didn't know they discourage it), so hopefully they will come out okay.
Well, seems to be about it for the past month and a bit. I hope to go skiing in Switzerland this coming weekend, but if not, maybe I'll settle for the Bavarian Alps (southern Germany). Then I think I am going skiing the following weekend as well. Not sure where yet. Been a bit slack lately (skiing), so I need to get a few more countries under my belt.
I hope to have my scanner running soon, so when I do I'll put the pictures on my photo gallery (http://frowbie.com/gallery/) and send a quick email. Till then...
So one hour before the last train to Garmish-Partenkirchen left from Dusseldorf on Friday (an 8 hour ride total), I decided I've been too lazy lately. So I pull out my handy-dandy Lonely Planet guide and look for places to ski in Germany. An area called Zugspitze is (according to the book) the place to be. So I pull up www.bahn.de to get a list of connections. I have exactly one hour to be on the train. That is assuming I go. So from the instant I considered going skiing in the very southern border of Germany (I'm northwest), I have one hour to be in the train. Hmmm. Okay, so I pull out the LP again and start calling hotels, asking in my painful German, if they have any rooms. Everyone is full except the youth hostel, which only has a message saying, we don't answer the phone here. Well, you don't really need a message to get that point across do you? Just don't answer the phone. So half an hour later, I have learned that all the hotels in the guide are full, but one of them gave me the name of another hotel but they didn't have the number, and I didn't know the number for information. So now I have a half hour to be on the train. I haven't yet begun packing. Chaos ensues.
I estimate that I have roughly 15 minutes in my apartment. That leaves me 15 minutes to catch the train. It's about an 8 minute walk to the U-bahn station that takes me to central station. The U-bahn takes me 3 minutes to get to central station. That leaves 4 minutes to spare. Not enough time to buy a ticket, but I can buy one on the train (it just cost a little more). Well, since I don't know exactly how often they run, I'll need all 4 minutes.
15 minutes to be out the door with all my ski gear and stuff for the weekend. That's doable. Fortunately, most of my ski clothes were in a pile. So I go through it all pretending to dress and make sure i have everything I need. Got it all. Next, skis and poles. Done. A little work to do with my 8 hours there and 8 hours back. Grab my German lessons and my Palm top. Anything else? Oh yeah, clean underwear. Okay, stuff it all in a bag and grab my backpack. Ready to go. First a quick toilet stop. Oh yeah, might want the old tooth brush and deodorant. Grab my "toiletries" and throw it my backpack. Throw the backpack on, grab skis and bag, ready to go. Missing anything? Uhhh, turns out ski boots help. Throw those in the bag. One last look around and I'm out the door.
I spend the next 8 minutes getting to the U-bahn, just in time to see it pull away. Look at the time chart. When does the next one come? In 4 minutes. Daaaaanng. There goes my spare. So that means my train leaves exactly when I arrive at hauptbahnhof (central station). I hop in the next bahn (which is almost full, cuz everyone is coming home from work). I get to Hbf, leap out of the bahn (which is difficult with skis, a bag and a backpack). Sprint (kind of) up the stairs, and then start up the next set of stairs to my platform, thinking "There's just no way. Not a chance. I'm already late." I get to the top and look at the incoming arrival. 5 minutes late!!! No way! So now I'm bursting with joy (and exhaustion).
The train pulls up two minutes later. I hop on and actually find a place to sit (almost unthinkable on a Friday evening). I look at my train schedule, which I had copied down from the website, "just in case I go" and "on the off chance I can't buy a ticket before boarding" (because if you buy ahead, they'll print your schedule). There is exactly 5 minutes between my current train arriving in Munich and when my next train leaves Munich. That's do-able. Oh wait. The train was 5 minutes late. That's how I got on in the first place. Crap! Okay, after calming down, I realize 5 minutes is easy to make over a 5 hour train ride. No worries. Until the train has problems in Stuttgart, 1.5 hours from Munich. Crap again! Okay, in between these two periods of me freaking out, I realized I still needed a hotel. Because trying to wander around a city late at night trying to find a hotel is always fun (laugh out loud if you've been there). So I pull out my handy dandy "handy" (a mobile phone is called a handy) manage to get the number for information. Okay. Call them up and ask for the number of the hotel I hadn't yet called. Got it (I think--cuz my understanding of Schwabish, a southern German dialect, is not so good). Call up the number. No idea what the guy just said. Ask, "Do have a room free?", expecting to hear "Nein". Instead I hear "Ja." Sweet! They have a room free. Reserve the room. But wait, they close at 10PM, and my train arrives at 10:23PM. Crap! But they'll wait till 10:30PM. Sweet! But my train's late. Crap! (Okay, this thought came later.)
Okay, flash forward till the end of my train to Munich. Really stressed now, because we were delayed in Stuttgart and I don't know if we arrive in time for my connection. Slowly, station by station, we catch up. Last station coming up, it's in sight, maybe 800 meters. We're gonna make it. Get all my stuff out near the door. Watching the station approach. Smiling, relaxed,
aahh. Lean my head against the wall and sigh...and then do a face plant into the wall as the train shrieks to a halt. What?! Did we hit something? No idea. No movement for a minutes. Really freaking out now. Close to banging on the door and shouting "Let me out! I'll sprint the last 400 meters!" (Gear and all? Yeah, whatever Matt.)
5 minutes later, the train moves. Well, there went my 5 minutes. Somehow we arrive 2 minutes before my connection departs. Race to the next track. Still there. They held the train! Whoo
hoo! Get in, throw my stuff down and relax. Well, kind of. Still got to get to the hotel before they close and no one can let me in. This train ride is okay, as far as time goes. Of course, there was the compulsory drunk talking to someone's dog, who could only respond by tilting its head and looking confused. But that's okay. Sure he stunk and was loud, but I'm on my train! Arrive in
Garmisch on time. Walk quickly outside, find a taxi, and we're moving. He knows the hotel, and it's only 5 minutes away, not 20 like the hotel told me. We get there at exactly 10:30. Pay, run inside, and...the stupid restaurant is half full, so there's no way they could close at 10.
Aww, who cares, not enough energy to be angry at this point. I'm here. I can ski. I don't have any information about where the ski place is or any
of that stuff, but that's fine. I'll get up early, find it out somehow, and maybe
I'll get there late, but I'll be there.
Well, everything went cool from here. I met a nice American couple at breakfast the first morning who took me around the whole weekend and showed how to find everything I need. They even drove me there and skied with me for a while. Very cool.
Another bonus. Met a South African lady on the train to Munich who was skiing in Switzerland next weekend, which is where I was hoping to go. She invited me to join her and her other South African friends. Cool. Also, the American couple had info on where to ski/stay in der Schwiez. Also cool.
So skiing in the Bavarian alps was fun. The weather wasn't great, but it could have been worse. At any rate, the constant snow the first day made for good skiing, even if only 4 runs were open. And the second day, I skied somewhere else (Alpspitze), and that was also good. The weather was good for the first 5 minutes (beautiful scenery), and then the clouds rose, and it was difficult to see. But still, pretty good. The nice thing about this place is, at the end of the day, you can ski from the top of the mountain all the way down to the base, which is about 3500ft vertical. It takes about 30-45 minutes. A 30 minute ski run? Not bad.
I have to give a funny description quickly here. The first day really had some snow blowing. The best comparison I can make is, imagine skiing while holding a hose to your face. It wasn't cold. It wasn't really painful. It wasn't completely blinding. It was just, well, silly. You just had to squint and keep blowing out your mouth like a horse. It was kind of funny. Even at the time.
Okay, I'm finishing this up as my train is coming to Dusseldorf. Pretty good weekend. Definitely worth the stress.
Summary:
Chaos generally seems to work in my favor. Okay, well, at least it doesn't hold my head and slap my face back and forth, and that's good enough.
Advice learned from the trip:
1) Just go.
2) The rechargeable batteries that come with the Sony Discman ESP2 last a reaaalllyyy long time. Almost 14 hours.
Daaaaang.
3) Drunks talking to dogs will never be satisfied with the answer they get, sometimes even responding as if the dog had just suggested the world was flat.
4) Sometimes it's really hectic and stressful and sucky, but then next day, when you're skiing in the Bavarian Alps, it's okay. :)
5) The human body is extremely inventive when it comes to odor. Hang around train stations. You'll learn. Some people are almost
Shakespearean. Their stink could be a well-formed sonnet.
6) Doing impersonations of Eric Cartman from South Park sometimes helps in dealing with stressful situations.
Sweeet. Crap! :)
Ciao.
fro
The good:
First on the slope. Fresh snow. Beautiful weather (day 2). Swiss alps. How sweet!
(Freshies in the Swiss alps, Jen!)
The funny:
Massive face plant in the snow. My afro froze. 60 foot party tepee.
The bad:
None
Trip this time was longer but totally stress-free. Kinda funny. Spent a total of 18 hours in the train for 11 hours skiing (and 2 hours in a huge party tepee). Fair trade.
All I can say is Damn! Switzerland is stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, whatever. Pick your favorite word and it's that word. I must have looked like a dog to all the people in the train. I kept opening the window and sticking my head out. It is just soooooo pretty!
The skiing was good, especially when I could see the second day. The first day was a lesson in a new type of skiing for me--blind. The clouds were very low...and _very_ thick. I really could see almost nothing. A couple times my ski slipped of the edge of the piste and I quickly swerved and wondered, "Where exactly did that go?" I couldn't even see the ground (because I had to have my sunglasses on to keep snow out of my eyes). So I would be skiing along, and then all of a sudden...airborne! And then I'm begging desperately, "Oh please take me back, ground. I'll be faithful. I won't stray. I promise." Wham! There's the ground again. A couple times I had to stop and ask people if I was on the piste or not. Down at the bottom of the mountain was good (another 40 minute from top to a ski village at the bottom). But a couple places you had to ski across a narrow road which was nothing more than water skiing for a few feet. At the end of the day I went into this huge tepee (a bar) where the rowdy people hang out. It was cool. Music blaring, drinks flowing, people dancing, my afro thawing and spilling into my beer, you get the picture. It was great.
The second day the weather was perfect and I could actually see the runs. The problem was I couldn't tell which I had done. Anyway, the mountains were awesome, and there was fresh snow. So I tried skiing off piste a little...and got spanked! Actually it wasn't too bad. The first time I picked a short steep route with deep snow. No real danger. So I went down it slowly back and forth. Then I got to the bottom with out spilling ( I broke out of my bindings once, but landed standing). So I decided to try a little faster. That was a mistake. I buried my head, almost completely. Fortunately there was no one around to laugh. But by the 3rd try I sped down it. But in case, you were curious, Swiss snow tastes basically the same as American snow. :)
Hey, guess what? The Swiss thought I was German! Sweet! I guess my German's getting better. I even confused a couple people when I switched between German and English, because they thought I was German. (Okay this was only after a few sentences. Beyond that, it was obvious I was foreign.) FYI, for all you Americans, most Swiss speak English, German, and French fluently, and some also speak Italian. Damn. It's hard to feel sophisticated out here. (I misspelled the word sophisticated just now, but caught it on the second go.) :)
Tips on how to dry in a communal bathroom without a towel (from experiences this weekend):
1) Wash your hair and face first. Your hair takes longest to dry. Don't get it wet for the rest of the shower. After washing it, wipe it hard with your hands (or
squeeze if it's long).
2) Enjoy the rest of the shower, cuz it'll be cold when you're done. :)
3) When you're done, wipe yourself off with your hands. You'll get rid of most of the water this way.
4) Use a clean t-skirt to dry yourself off. Dry your head last. You will only need one side of the t-shirt. Then, if it's warm, you can wear the t-shirt till it's dry or just tie it to the back of your backpack. If it's cold and it's your only shirt, save it and consider toilet paper to dry off with?
5) Don't dry the bottom of your feet--this will make the shirt too dirty to wear (shower floor). After you put your jeans on, stand on one foot and wipe it dry on your pant leg, then your can put your shoes and socks on.
Cheers.
PS I only have one country in the Alps left (I think)--France. Hopefully in two weeks.
So I caught the train to right after work on Friday at 5:30PM and woke up 7AM in Chamonix. Well, okay there were a few train changes (including an adventure in the French underground), but I basically went straight from work, skied two days, and then straight back to work. My body is just worked. I'm so tired. Okay, I have to admit, that definitely is the best skiing I've ever had--perfect weather, fresh powder, good runs, (my ugly orange skis--heh heh). But staying awake today was a bit of a chore, because I can't sleep on any moving vehicle, and I didn't really sleep in the youth hostel. Some girl in the same room, walks in at 1 AM, slams the door behind her, falls down heavily on her bed, and immediately _pukes_ all over the floor near her bed. Very classy. But I did meet a pretty cool guy on the train who stayed at the same hostel. We spent like three hours swapping travel stories. I actually did more listening than talking--I already know all my stories, I wanted to hear new ones. The meal was really good too. We were eating a meat fondue, and at the end of the night we still hadn't finished it, but it was really good.
Well, apart from the Olympic vomiting wonder, I didn't have many weird encounters this weekend. One noteworthy one was a French lady who wanted trade bunks with me so she could sleep in the same cabin as her parents. I would have gladly traded with her, but she asked 5 minutes before the train left and her cabin was on the other side of the train and it was hard enough to walk through the train carrying nothing, let alone skis, a backpack and another bag. But it was the way she asked that made me laugh. She sounded very much like a sleazy car salesman with a French accent. "Soooo, dew yew accept my proposition?" And her father, man!, that guy could snore! I think he was contributing to ozone depletion, he was sawing so much wood.
Well, that was it, not much to tell this time. But 30 hours on a train is a lot for a weekend of skiing no matter how you cut it.
A few other noteworthies:
--party last weekend courtesy of a nice German girl and her boyfriend (thanks, Eva!)
--two days for work at a bath town called Baden Baden--in the evening, 3 hours of bathing, saunas, lotion and laying wrapped in a towel. So if you don't know ahead of time, it is all completely naked. I actually knew, but a couple people told me to go there and didn't tell me about it and then asked me very inquisitively how it was the next day. (Meaning: "So were you really
embarrassed?" Reaction: "Nah, just struttin' my stuff.")
--saw an Italian opera with German subtitles (hmmm...Italian translated into German translated into English by my friend
Uta--well, I had the basic idea). Quick summary: Two guys think their wives are cheating on them, so they pretend to go off to war, trade places and then each courts the others wife--and succeed. Crap! (It was a comedy.)
--First Hugo Boss suit! Oh it is so sweet! (I wore it to the opera.)
Okay, so I'm staying "zu Hause" (at home) next weekend, because my body is crying for some sleep. Oh well, I'll get Italy some other time. I'm still trying to figure out something to do for Easter--four days. Maybe skiing in Iceland or Sweden. Till then, sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep. (Picture Homer Simpson leaning his head back, tongue hanging out, saying "Potota' chips".) Sweet, sweet sleep.
Take care. Sorry this one wasn't as interesting as is usual for me. I'll make an effort to meet more weird people. Though, admittedly, I don't often have to try too hard. ;)
Have a great day!
--"travelling matt" (anybody remember the Fraggles? "my uncle travelling matt" now all I need is some radishes)
Tschuss
Okay, last I promised to try and meet more weirdos. I also said I rarely have to try. Well without knowing it, I found myself in the following situations in about a three hour period:
--In a _large_ protest against the WTO
--About 20 feet from a minor police/protestor fight
--Attacked by really lame London girls with spray paint and a spear
And all I wanted to do was see Westminster Abbey...
Okay, first the unrelated:
I was back in Baden Baden this week for work. While there I went to a concert with a cool girl I met who works for a big radio station. She got me in free. And we might be going to a Korn concert in a few weeks. Pretty cool. So I didn't actualy stay in Baden Baden, but rather a nearby city called
Hugelsheim, which is also Spargeldorf. Now allow me to break down the name Spargeldorf for you. Spargel means asparagus, dorf means town. I stayed in a city called "asparagus town". "Uh...Toto, I think we're back in Kansas." Because it was in season, you could order it by the half kilo or the kilo at restaurants. Somehow through a monumental force of will, I managed to refrain. But next time I might not be so lucky.
Okay, now the London trip--the good intermixed with bad
The good: I was in London, and London is way cool. The bad: London is _freakin'_ expensive!!! I stayed at crappy hotel for 60 pounds per night (close to $100US). For my 60 quid a night I had: no bathroom, breakfast (two pieces of toast and a croissant and all the jam you can eat), a TV (in English!). Whatever.
I saw the musical Buddy (can't go to London and not see at least one musical--that's just not on). It was pretty good. The crowd sucked. The actors kept trying to get the crowd to make more noise (which I am never averse to). So I yelled and clapped and all that just like the crowd was supposed to. (Anybody wanna play "Pin the tail on the American"?) Towards the end they were better. Anyway, I had fun. ;)
I also went to St James cathedral, saw Scream 3 (I _needed_ an English movie bad), saw Parliament House, Big Ben, and of course Westminster Abbey.
Westminster Abbey is sooooo cool. I is packed with statues and tombs and, of course, history. It's just bizarre too stand before the tomb of, say, Geoffrey Chaucer or William Shakespeare or King Richard 3, all with date plates saying 1340 to ... or 1400 to ..., etc. Whoa. And all the statues were really good.
Okay, so now the other:
I found myself in the middle of a really big protest in Parliament Square (out front of Westminster Abbey). A lot of of it was cool. People were dressed crazy. The music was very cool. Not bands or anything organized, just a lot of people with African drums and other stuff. Mostly percussion. It was really cool how suck a large crowd that wasn't really organized managed to keep together. Okay the rhythm's not difficult. With drums, just do what you hear. But I didn't understand how everyone could
gradually get quiet and start and stop all of a sudden. The crowd would go kinda crazy when the drums got really loud. It was pretty sweet. Also, the police were (in my opinion) pretty cool. I talked to a couple, and they said they thought it was pretty cool what everyone was doing, just as long as they stay peaceful. Also, they just kinda left everyone alone who left them alone. Okay, so that was all the cool stuff. The lame stuff next. I think a lot of people were just following, rather than having
any sincere interest in protesting the WTO. Okay, whatever, there was good music, why not? Well, in Parliament Square, they ripped up literally about a third of the entire square's grass (sod strips), and planted random herbs and stuff. People grafitti'd _everywhere_. Every statue nearby had some kind of spray paint on. And as I walked back and forth, you could see more and more spray paint over time. I didn't really understand why the police didn't do anything. Oh well, I decided to wander off up the street towards Trafalgar Square and catch my tube to the airport (had to leave in a few hours). Got to the top of the street, and there was a line of police
barricading the way. People were sitting right in front of them, hanging out. Not really any stress. In fact, they were letting people lean over their shoulders to take pictures of the second line behind them. I wasn't really sure why the street was blocked off though. Then a real loser went right up the police line and started screaming and swearing at them. No point, just swearing. (Lame.) They ignored him. Then he and a few other guys started throwing their hands in the cops' faces, and the shoved them back with their plastic shields. The crowd started yelling at the police, a couple other people jumped at the police and then about six cops slammed then back. Then every in the crowd starting yelling get back (to the crowd) and a bunch of people ran away from the police line. I was just standing there holding my Lonely Planet travel book trying to figure out how to get to the nearest tube station with a big gap around me, thinking "whoa, never seen that happen first hand before". Then as soon as it started, it mellowed out again. Then a guy hopped up on two guys shoulders, dropped his pants and starting
spanking his butt cheeks at the cops. I have a feeling that in the history of man there have stronger symbols of resistance. But, it was pretty funny. ;)
So after a while I wandered off to find a tube station that hadn't been closed. Then I saw some girls who were spray painting a big statue. They weren't writing anything, just graffiti'ing. Okay, so it wasn't my country, but I think defacing national monuments is pretty lame.
So I told them so. One tried to spray paint me, and when I tried grab the paint can her friend who was carrying a flag staff with a metal tip (a spear basically), tried to hit my leg with it. After that I really lost my temper, but I figured no one saw here tried to stab me, but as soon as I did anything to a girl, a crowd would definitely have gathered and I didn't feel like getting arrested and thrown in jail or out of the country. So I left. What else could I do? (If anyone actually has a real idea, I'd love to hear it, but I accepted to just leave pissed off.) Anyway, I definitely know next to nothing about how to enact change through protest, but I gotta give the thumbs down to destroying shit when it accomplishes nothing. Those girls weren't trying to make a statement against the WTO. They were just being lame.
Okay, enough with the lame. One bad experience isn't enough to sour me on London. I had a lot of fun. I could totally dig living in London (apart from the expense). It's awesome. But it's impossible to feel special in London. I think it has got to be the most international place I've ever been (even more than San Francisco, and that's saying a lot). I would regularly walk past people speaking other languages I didn't recognize (and I'm getting pretty good at recognizing languages now--not heaps, but quite a few). And it's just a huge mesh of everything and everyone. Very cool. That is, if you're into that kind of thing. ;)
Okay, I promised chaos and I delivered (I think my internal compass is pointed towards to "magnetic weird" rather than magnetic north.) Oh well, those of you were familiar with my direction sense will be glad to know it has gotten much better. I can find my way around almost any city now. A few weeks ago when I was trying to plan trip to Italy to go skiing, I had about 4 maps open, i rented a computer at an internet cafe, used bahn.de to plan most of the train trip, was calling places in Italy for info, used a map measurer to estimate time for train routes that bahn.de didn't cover, and so on. I felt pretty cool, until the next morning, I felt really sick about two minutes before my train arrived, and had to drop everything, and _sprint_ to the nearest public toilet. It cost a mark, and naturally, the only one mark coin I had was dented and would fit. I told the lady there (in German) "Sorry but I really can wait" and just before I jumped over the barrier she opened it enough for me to get through just in time to get into the stall. Five minutes later, I got up to the train in time to see my train leave. But at least my map skills are getting better. <grin>
Much love.
fro
I just received the results of a German test I took two weeks ago. I got a "gut" (I wanted a "sehr gut", but oh well). It's a test recognized by the European Union for basic literacy and fluency in German. It's basically like taking a college credit AP test in the US.
So why no potatoes? Well, there's a saying over here, "talking like your mouth is full of potatoes". Which is apparently how most Americans sound when speaking German. But my German friends said I don't sound like that. No potatoes! :)
I would like to thank the following for this success:
Gummi Bears (Disney's Gummibaerenbande)
Alladin (Alladin)
The Little Mermaid (Ariel die Meerjungfrau) (Did you even know this existed as a TV show?!)
Goof Troop (???)
Chip and Chap's (here it's Chap, not Dale) Rescue Rangers (no idea)
All of which were translated into German.
Hey, what can I say? They speak slowly and the vocabulary is small. It's a good way to learn. ;)
And I know how to say all manner of heroic sentences: "Oh Alladin, du hast mich
gerettet!" => "Oh Alladin, you saved me!" (Alladin seems to do this show after show. I'm no longer sitting on the edge of my seat for a half hour. It's more of a slouch halfway down the sofa, accompanied by an empty stare and a little drool.)
Oh yeah, I went to Berlin. Cool city. I'm gonna go back when the weather's better.
Ciao
(No potatoes!)
Okay, so in the past 10 days I've been in 4 countries (does my own country, Germany, count?). This is actually pretty mellow, considering that I was also supposed to be in London last week and Moscow this week, but both didn't work out.
Last Friday I hopped on the the Nacht Zug (night train) to Denmark, and 11 hours, wallah (I think that's a phonetic spelling of a French word) I'm in Copenhagen. So there were the usual dramas with the train. I couldn't get a bunk in the train (actually I could a week before, but some friends said they wanted to go and would drive, and then didn't--typisch) so I had to take a seat in a six person cabin (both ways). Now I know I can't sleep in an moving vehicle, so I'm not sure how to swing this, but as usual I knew I'd manage. I got in and there was an Indian couple in the bunk. Okay, open up the bunk, and whoa! this lady had some powerful feet. But the thing was they didn't want either the window or the door open and after the other three people arrived, well, six people in a cabin (all with their shoes off) on a hot night, that's a little much. So I hung out outside in the hall with the window open and talked with a guy from Nigeria till 1AM and then after our last stop for 6 hours, I blew up my inflatable travel pillow and curled up on the ground in the hall to sleep (note, the floor of the hall in most trains is not comfy). Anyway, if you ever find yourself in this situation, relax, people are pretty cool (unless their drunk soccer fans, in which case they're just downright assholes). Yeah, I have never been stepped on sleeping in a public floor. I guess the easiest thing is to think if you would try to avoid stepping on someone on the way to the toilet. Chances are your probably would, and it turns out most people do. In fact, after I did it, another lady in her 50's came out with a blanket and slept too (actually she was the only one that slept, cause i can't on trains, but it was okay, certainly better than 6 pairs of feet in a hot room). Actually, I have a small piece of advice for sleeping on a hard floor if you have nothing to lie on. all you need (if you plan ahead) is two small patches of foam. (This only applies if you sleep on your side). One goes under the hip bone, cuz there's not much protection there, and the other goes on the side of the knee (also only skin). This and a pillow should be enough to sleep on any hard floor (relatively) comfortably. Note, I'm not saying the floor will be clean...
Anyway, I really liked Copenhagen. It was a neat city. Very international (notice a trend here?). There were a ton of people there, because there is a new bridge connecting Copenhagen in Denmark and Malmo in Sweden. I went there to do a rollerblade race over the bridge, and so did about 10000 other people. Whew! I just kind of wandered around Saturday (right off the train) checking stuff out. Then at 7PM I hopped into the race (with my backpack and all my stuff) and two or three hours (give or take) later, I was in Sweden. Pretty cool, huh? It was a pretty tough skate because of the wind. It was so hard, you actually had to work to get down the bridge or you wouldn't move at all. So you can guess what going up was like. But the view was really pretty, and the bridge itself was impressive. So when I arrived in Malmo, I had a wonderful blister on my foot, so I took out the old trusty pair of sandals (Tevas, don't leave home without 'em). Then I caught a cab to my hotel--which couldn't find my reservation. Luckily the guy recognized my voice and gave me a double room for the (inflated) price of a single. Well, after paying for the room and breakfast I went right into my room (despite a pretty good party in the city center) and CRASHED. I slept almost 12 hours straight. Then the next morning, I decided to cancel breakfast because the room cost had eaten up almost all my cash (I had three currencies on me at this point--Danish crowns, Swedish crowns, and Dmarks). So I took the money for breakfast and spent it on a sew-on patch of the Swedish flag (I'm collecting them from the countries I travel to--I only have about 6 right now, but I'm missing several countries). Then I wandered around Malmo for the rest of the day. Let me just say, blond hair and blue eyes as far as the eye can see. One really great thing about traveling in Scandinavian countries is that they speak excellent English. I think it's because the American TV programs they get aren't dubbed. But you'll have no troubles getting around.
And (at least in Sweden) the people are very friendly on average. Well, it was a lot of fun, but too short. I want to go back for a longer time. But you do what you can. So I took the ferry back to Copenhagen to catch my train. Actually I have a funny quick story here. As I'm told, the ferry crosses international waters and alcohol in Sweden is really expensive (you know where this is going). So apparently what people will do is just take a ferry there and just get absolutely tanked on the duty free alcohol. (I don't know if there stay in Copenhagen or just stay on the ferry to come back.) Needless Swedes have a reputation for being loud and drunk. (Actually, I think most countries have a reputation for being a bunch of drunks.)
Then I was at IBM in Stuttgart earlier this week (installing the completed version of my 3rd project here) and then I went to Brussels for work, again (sigh). We had a meeting and then wandered around the city (damn, Brussels is a cool city). Now I found myself only a few blocks from a full-scale riot (I am just watching the footage from CNN right now). The soccer match Euro 2000 was on this weekend, and literally thousands of British "hooligans" (as all countries refer to these type of people) came to Brussels to start fights. We had just walked out of a restaurant after dinner, and a bunch of people were running away from Le Grand Place (the city center square). We could smell the tear gas. Now, being my usual self, I started to walk over and waiters at the restaurant had to stop me. And watching the footage now, I'm glad they did, man there were chairs flying and horses running around, water cannons (one guy got blasted back about 50 feet into a pole), lots of tear gas, and hundreds of fat, ugly, drunk British guys. All just one street away. Do I have good timing or what? heh heh ;)
Then I wandered around Belgium the next day and bumped into a German friend of mine who I met in Belgium. Small world. Very cool.
Then I went to my boss's house for a barbeque. While he was making the BBQ, I laid out on an air mattress in an inflatable pool, and stared up at a clear blue sky. The we watched the German/England soccer match. We lost (Germany that is). Meanwhile, we drank Belgian white beer (my favorite beer in the world, so far). And to top it all off, we went clubbing in a Belgian club till 2AM. Then I came back today, and rollerbladed along the Rhein river and drank a couple Strawberry daiquiris.
Life is good.
Oh here's another cool little thing. The word "froh" in German means happy. How appropriate...
--froh